FITFRIT
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Super frustrated...

Monday, December 16, 2013

So as anyone who reads my blog knows my mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer on top of the fact that my dad passed away in early October. Well my mom lives three hours away and has been seeing doctors in preparation for deciding which course of treatment to take with regard to this cancer. She has seen 5 different doctors and basically been told 5 different things in one respect or another. I found out today some crap this one doctor told her that she did not tell me about before and when I asked her why she didn't tell me she said it's because I am "too busy" for her. I cannot begin to express how I do not enjoy this guilt trip she is putting me on. I love my mom, but this is also a really terrible time for me to just shut the rest of my life off and deal with her stuff...it's not easy to take care of her from 3 hours away when I have a job I really love and can't really afford to just quit and 5 kids, 3 dogs, and 2 cats, plus a home to manage. Can you say frustrating? I have offered to move her here but all she does is flip out about how I don't have a doggy yard for her dogs and she can't take them outside and so on. She'd have her own room here and we could work on the dog issue. It'd be a huge pain in the ass but we'd figure it out. Lord help me please because I really need some guidance here. She admitted to me that she is shutting everyone in her life out and I told her she can't make it thru this if she does that....she said she knows but she's doing it anyway.

not sure how much more of all of that my stress level can handle.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FITFRIT
    So I thought I'd let you ladies know I'll be updating about this in today's blog
    2697 days ago
  • JAMDRGN76
    If life was easy it would be called vacation instead. Your strength is far more than you think. You must save yourself before you can save others. Sending you positive vibes and strenght to carry on. emoticon emoticon
    2699 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12242035
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    2699 days ago
  • TAMSPARKLESTOO
    Oh, honey, so sorry! Not a great place to be. I can't exactly relate due to the situation with cancer but I can very much relate with the parent aspect.

    My dad only lives about 45 minutes from me. Not too far I can't get there but far enough to be very inconvenient. He is a kidney transplant patient and was on years and years of dialysis. He is extremely overweight, has breathing problems, heart problems, mental illness, etc. etc. He may or may not take his meds, his eating habits are atrocious and he won't stop drinking.

    So talk about frustration to the max. I finally got to a place where I recognized it was going to be either him or me and I chose me. I have placed my boundaries and have drawn a line in the sand.

    I love him dearly and I will always help him when I can but it won't be at the expense of my family or myself. I realized I just couldn't help somebody who wouldn't help themselves. He is a grown man and is well aware of the consequences. He is the author of his own misfortune.

    So that probably didn't help you whatsoever ;-) but just wanted you to know you're not alone. Hugs!!!!
    2699 days ago
  • FENWAYGIRL18
    I feel for you my dad put a lot of stress on me after my mom passed away and then getting him through 2 respiratory failures this year alone (4 totaled, I'm his medical proxy). I finally had enough of the stress it was physically and emotionally making me sick and I had to say I'm done because I have chronic lyme and fibromyalgia and he was belittling me, just so mean and unappreciative of anything I did which was a lot and treated my brothers like gold (they could care less if he lives or dies and a nephew who he's paying all of his household bills by living in his basement and he doesn't even make sure my dad has food).
    Your mom is in a fragile state of mind, she lost your dad and now she's gotten hit with breast cancer and as tough as this all is for you just imagine her....
    You need to talk straight to her and tell her to stop the guilt trips on you because you also have a lot on your plate with 5 kids a job, loss of your dad and now this happening with her.
    She needs to hear how she's making you feel and she needs to lose her pride and go to your house and stay with you for a while so you can make sense of all this with her.
    It's not like your turning your back on her, maybe you should take the 3 hr drive over the weekend physically pack her things and bring her home with you so she see's you care.
    Parents are funny, you know we become the parents and they become the child when they get older and you have to take control of the situation and if she doesn't come then there really is nothing you can do.
    That's when you tell her you know if something happens to you how do you think it will make me feel with you adding a guilt trip to all of this, tell her she's not going through this alone.
    I know I've read your blogs and your torn up about the loss of dad and this diagnosis, maybe she needs to see you in person in order to agree to live with you for a while.
    Just remember if she does move in during all this more stress will be added to your life and your families.
    God Bless you! emoticon
    2699 days ago
  • ILOVEMALI
    Breathe. I'm sending you strength and love.
    2700 days ago
  • MOTHEPRO
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    2700 days ago
  • NOSNHOJA
    I think there is a lot of stress during the holiday season without added stress. I wish I were there to give you a big hug. A magic wand to erase problems would really come in handy at this time. Can I ask which stage cancer she has? I truly hope that there will be some alleviation for you in the near future.

    Take care of yourself!!

    Andi emoticon
    2700 days ago
  • LORI2562
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    2700 days ago
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