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12/11/13 Rant

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Yes I started this last week - no I didn't post yet because it wasn't 'finished' but it wud be a legit book at that point... Feed back/ thoughts/ suggestions/ etc welcome

Really not feeling myself anymore. I didn't weigh today n I've been in such a funk lately and all it's doing is annoying the crap outta me. I feel so clueless and lost like I'm just aimlessly wandering around my world of fitness.

Now don't get me wrong - I def work my ass off so it's not the actual working out that bothers me. I work out for 7 hours over the course of m-th every week... but it's not the actual exercise I'm worrying about - idk where I wanna go w it! All year I have told myself I want to get my Zumba certification but even if I do - when the hell am I gonna throw in even MORE classes!?? That is $225 if I register early...

I have also been telling myself that it would most likely make more sense for me to get my group exercise cert since I already help teach... but the study stuff alone is like 110$ and 2 months worth of studying! I'm wayyyy out of studying 'practice'. Then the actual cert is like $400 on top of that!

My anxiety sucks so bad and every time I think about it I feel overwhelmed and try to convince myself I don't actually want to try that hard... Why you ask? Beats me

Everything I do is just seems to be 'going through the motions': from food, to work, routines, and even my workouts feel like that - same sort of junk, just a different day.

My sister thinks I'm bored and I need a project/ goal. I mean, I def work out hard n sweat my ass off - but I guess I am bored going on 4 years of kickboxing and either year 2 or 3 of Zumba.... But I like what i do if that makes sense

So then I attempt to think of goals and mine are always the same: get back to 125 (wedding weight 1.5 years ago - current is 136ish). I always want to lower my bf% but the only judge of that I have is my home scale and I don't feel like its accurate. I'm only 5' and my bf% is supposedly around 34% - but as of the last 6 months I started ST and working on Olympic lifts and I know I gained muscle. My arms alone went up an inch. I dont have an actual gym membership and I some how cannot get myself to do anything at home anymore.

Thanks for bearing w me!
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  • no profile photo CD11898821
    Best of luck!
    2688 days ago
    I'm sorry you're going thru such a rough patch! My best friend's grandma always used to say "This too shall pass"! Keep your head up, keep doing what you know is right. Or maybe take a break, step back from things & see what you really want/are passionate about. Not great advise, but I wanted you to know someone listened & cared!
    Merry Christmas!
    2696 days ago
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