I am leaving or taking a break
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
To be honest, I'm not sure which one I am doing. For now, I will call it a long break, but that may lead to leaving.
I feel like explaining myself; mostly because I've been here for almost 3 years and have made some very, very dear friends here. I truly would like to stay in touch, so if you like to email let me know. That is the reason I am not deleting my profile here either. Also in case I realize that I made a mistake, but I kinda doubt that.
Why you ask? Because my mindset is changing, in a good way. I've done a lot of reflecting lately, which I do a lot of anyway, but it's been more focused on this healthy part of my life. As I've looked back, I've realized that there was a time in my life I was very healthy. A healthy weight (although I had no idea what that was as I didn't own a scale)...I was very active and I ate to support that activity. Then I had a very traumatic first marriage. I used to think my troubles started when I had kids, but now I believe that isn't the case. And with that bad experience came the pounds. And the unhealthy living. The inactivity. The poor food choices.
And now? I'm feeling pretty good actually. I went sledding the other day!! 3 years ago I would never have done that. One of my goals where I came here was to be able to do things with my kids. And I am there now. This is not the end of the journey for me; just a shift. I am getting back to that healthy person. The one that was active and ate to support that. And that person didn't care what the scale said. She was not driven by that number. She did not care how many minutes she was active. It just mattered that she was. And that she could do everything she wanted to do. She did not care about how many calories she ate. She ate to have energy so she was able to be active. It's definitely a circular thing.
I do still remember that person, and I am finding her again. What does all this have to do with Spark? Well, I find that spark doesn't fit so well with my new (or old) philosophy. Spark tends to focus on the scale, and tracking every little thing. I just want to be, not to micromanage. Now I understand tracking and weighing in helps a lot of people. And for me it helped for awhile too. But now, it's just making me do weird things. Because I get that way. And that creates new problems that I just don't need or want. I find myself eating very little because it's the night before weigh in. Or stressing because I don't have enough exercise minutes in, and then not exercising because I like it, but because I'm supposed to.
I know we are all in different places in life. I respect that. I respect that this keeps many people accountable. For me, right now, it's making my life worse, I am no long in balance and happy.
So I am still around a little, I think. I don't want to lose touch with the many friends I have made, but I definitely need to be off spark for awhile. I need to get my head back on straight, and live a healthy lifestyle for me. One that isn't obsessive. One that is just simply, healthy.