Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I am in love with this fellow who tells me I must lose weight before he finds me desireable. I have been seeing him for six months exclusively. We share meals and time together and he is affectionate to me. Interestingly or ironically since I am a Christian lady, premartial sex is not on the table. Lately he is suggesting that he might marry me but he insists I need to go through the process of losing weight. Needless to say, I am emotional eater and haven't been able to lose any weight since I find myself trying to quell my feelings of sexual frustration and rejection with food. I do believe I belong with this man and that this man needs me in his life because he is alone. He has led a life of being a Casanova and asserts he has never been attracted to heavy women and alas I am 150 pounds overweight. Worse, he has seen a picture of me from 40 years ago (when I was 25) and I weighed 140 pounds then. He wants me to look like that and then he could be attracted to me physically. He says he loves me and I am extremely attracted to him. I am wondering what kind of feedback I will get from this post because for the life of me I am baffled as to why I continue in this relationship except that I do have a need to be needed and this guy needs me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I agree with all the posts.
    He is an abuser, emotional right now,
    but they only get worse and eventually
    abuse you physically.

    Let the loser go!

    My prayers will be with you.
    2514 days ago
    Sorry, but I agree with all these ladies....especially BLONDEE53. She hit the nail on the head. You and I are about the same age (I'm 63) and I was married to someone similar to this guy. It is EMOTIONAL ABUSE and it is just as mean spirited as the physical. My ex told me right before we split up.....I had gained about 30 pounds or so....... that all the men at church have these beautiful, good looking wives and look what he If you have never been married and are so "in love", then go ahead and marry him, but if you don't lose the weight and keep it off, he'll make your life miserable and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself. Good luck with your situation and keep praying about it. Prayer works!

    emoticon emoticon
    2516 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/25/2014 6:33:08 PM
  • -RUBIES-
    I hate to say it, but, you sound a little desperate... as though this is you last chance at love. It isn't. Let me say it again, "it isn't your last chance at love.

    Your heart is conflicted and you are motivated by the lack of sex and the desire for a relationship. I get it. There is nothing wrong with wanting those things, afterall, they are big components to our lives, however, your situation is a disaster waiting to happen, mainly, because of his criteria set upon you.

    Stop spending time with him because the more you do, the harder it will be to see and think clearly about the situation. In the meantime, continue to work on you. You've not lost weight after trying for 35 years. Something isn't right. Get additional help in this area. Also, talk to your Pastor and his wife to get their feedback.
    2520 days ago
    think and really look at this situation. You cannot change him and telling you to loose weight is horrid. Don't cave in. You must take control of your weight. Don't loose weight for this man he is not worth it. You are a good person their is someone out there especially for you.
    2520 days ago
  • RESERVED1948
    to clarify, my friend needs me as much as he needs air. When I met him he was a homeless Viet Nam vet who slept at our church. I had a crush on him for about 2 months when I started being on his bus as he was taking a computer class to keep his food stamps. When he told me his situation I was astounded because this man kept himself immaculate and had a great amount of dignity. I never would have guessed his homeless situation. Later I learned that he built his own shower in the church. I don't think I am mixing up pity with love. I just fell so totally in love with this man and have been helping him. Since I met him he is now in his own apartment and has a decent job and may soon be getting a better one. He is trying to get his life on track and I think he is being bluntly honest when he says I need to go through the process of losing weight. I do not accept myself at this weight either and am anxious to lose weight and have been trying to lose weight for 35 years but only gain weight. I appreciate all your feedback because it gives me something to think about. I have been alone a very long time without a love interest (18years) and along comes this man who I fall for hook, line and sinker. It is a good thing I have my faith in Jesus Christ. I am praying and asking God for guidance and direction which is my heart's desire to do the will of Christ. Thank you all again for your input.
    2522 days ago
    emoticon hold the phone . if he is laying down rules that you must lose weight to be with him then . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon you had better stop and think this one over . You will never look like you did twenty five years ago . that time is gone . i know even if you lose the weight you will not hold it in the same spots that you once did . honey walk away . he is not the one for you . he wants much more from you then you should give up . its not just the weight . He is not good hubby material . if he loved you then you are good enough for him the way you are right now not thinner not with different colored hair or that new dress you are you. you want a guy who loves you for you . you are enough
    2522 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/19/2014 4:19:17 PM
    I'm sorry, but I'd be "insisting" he hit the road and take his condescending attitude with him. You deserve more and will never "please" someone who says you must change to be acceptable...
    2522 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1951302
    I have learned over the years that someone who wants you to change or wants to change you is not one to get married to. Of course, the same goes for you. Don't marry someone thinking they will change.

    That kind of marriage is miserable! Been there, done that!
    2522 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13294444
    Let me ask you a few questions:
    1) Are there other things that he finds fault with?
    2) What if you don't lose the weight? Will you be happy with him always commenting on it? What about him "watch-dogging" you after you lose the weight, since that is obviously an important issue to him?
    3) If you saw your daughter, niece, best friend, or sister in this situation, what would you advise them?

    Don't shortchange yourself by being with someone just to be needed.
    2522 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14554190
    Run away. Fast.
    Think about what your future life would be like....You've lost the weight & are now married. You really think he's going to be a great husband? No. Not a chance.
    2522 days ago
    Personally, I would run like hell and get away from him. I will be accepted for who I am regardless. You are 65 now and can't be expected to look 25. You say you share meals... who pays for the food and decides what to eat? You say he needs you but in what way? To fix (and pay) for his meals? To nurture him in his old age? I would be so leery of this. Good luck and prayers with you.
    2522 days ago
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