Speaking (or writing) Instead of Eating
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Over the past week I overate a few times and today I was anxious earlier and –though I didn’t as much damage– I overate again. I think several things that have been on my mind and that I haven’t really been able to fully express ended up building up my anxiety. I know that I have to speak up/communicate instead of eating, but sometimes it’s so hard for me to confront others or to ask for what I need. Then there is the issue of the exhaustion I’ve been experiencing, which also contributes to the anxiety and triggers the desire to eat as a means to give myself a lift --not that it really works; I end up just as tired and upset because I overate, but somehow I continue the behavior!
One of the things that I think stressed me out quite a bit and is related to food is that I shared with a friend who is a holistic nutritionist the fact that I might be going on a new antidepressant (without telling her that I was already on one) and she told me how I should try to correct things with diet first. I told her that I’d tried diets and supplements, but they didn’t work. She said I hadn’t tried working with her and offer to help me free of charge. It was really lovely of her to offer her help, but the thought of sharing my food diary with her and her making changes when things had been going well for me (at least food-wise) totally stressed me out. I should have told her right then and there that I was not willing to start experimenting with my diet (I did plenty of experimenting before!), but I felt guilty because she offered to help me for free. So a week later, I’m still stressing over it and I’ve had the worst food week of the year. And there’s still the lingering sadness at comments my brother and sister-in-law made, my inability to concentrate at work (and the embarrassment I feel over that), and deciding on the issue of the new antidepressant. And it feels like a huge snowball of emotions.
I really need to once and for all learn to stop holding things in. I’d been meaning to blog about some of the issues floating on my mind, but whether because I was tired, not focused enough to write, or doing other stuff, I didn’t get around to it. Today I told myself that if I don’t let some of the stuff out I will end up overeating this week, too, and I really don’t want that. So here I am.
Thank you for listening/reading Spark friends!