Friday, March 28, 2014
Sorry for being away for so long, when you're such a good friend (your resources and all of the people here!).
From October 2013 through January 2014 I was slipping into chronic depression. I hit major burnout in late November (I promise it had little to do with turning 30, in all honestly) and in December I was entering nervous breakdown territory. I was "asked to resign" from my job on January 3rd and that pretty much sealed the fully blown nervous breakdown, only going as well as it did because I had quite literally started an antidepressant the day before (it took me over three weeks to get into my doctors office to get a prescription for antidepressants. Ugh, right?).
Antidepressants take a long time to really work. It was about six weeks before I felt I was "turning the corner" at all. But I also had two minor panic attacks in a week. Completely new for me. So for the past month I have been on two antidepressants. Monday, the doctor was happy with my progress and it looks like this is going to work for me.
For about the past week, maybe ten days, I'm *really* beginning to feel like a person again. I am able to get myself out of bed when I want to, instead of just sleeping until whenever. I'm productive: the house is clean, like properly clean, I'm on top of my responsibilities, my inbox has been empty all week- all FOUR inboxes! I get up and go to the gym first thing now (four of six days so far this week!), I make breakfast for myself, healthy ones, for both me and my husband (who is still in bed and I bring it to him, lol. He's not a morning person at all). I've signed up for Camp NaNo in April. I'm seeing my friends. I'm going to bed at better times. I'm just...taking better care of me.
It's sad to have to need pills to be "me", but seeing how bad things had gotten- how run down I was by simply everything, I really don't care that I need this medication. I hate how mental health is viewed. If someone needs to go through physical rehab, it's understandable. If it's massive rehab, you don't have to go to work because you CAN'T. If you are handicapped and need a device to help you function normally, it's understood by people. But have a mental breakdown, a panic attack, struggle with depression, you're not treated like you are truly ill.
I haven't worked in almost three months now. I'm almost out of reserve funds and I'll have to find something soon but I'm glad I've gotten this much better and had the time to do so. I would seriously love to have another month or two in order to feel really stable, but short of someone giving me $3,000, it's not going to happen.
But like I said, I'm happy I've had the time to get this far. Now however, it is late, and I'm yawning :) Time to get some sleep! xoxo