goodbye, alcohol: a farewell letter to a friend
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
i recently read a blog here about writing a goodbye letter to alcohol. i researched this further and found it's something alcoholics, or people with alcohol problems, do to help eliminate alcohol from their lives. i thought this would be perfect for me! i definitely have a problem with alcohol and it is certainly a toxic friend of mine. i am no stranger to eliminating toxic people from my life, so why not kick this one to the curb as well? i'm all about writing the Letter Than Will Never Be Sent. i have a few of those in an old shoebox somewhere. hehe. anyway, i've spent the last week thinking about alcohol and where it belongs in my life. i thought writing a letter might help me manage some of those thoughts and feelings.
We've been through a lot together. Some great memories, some not-so-great memories. Lately the latter has become the norm. You're not much fun anymore and I'm not much fun when I'm around you. While I appreciate what you have done for me in the past, I just don't have room for you in my life anymore. Our fun times together have cost me way too much: money, health, friends, pride, time. I just can't do this anymore.
We've been together for quite awhile. I remember finding you when I was 17. You were so sweet, and funny. I loved having a good time with you! Whether we were at another friend's house, a football game, the woods, sitting on a beach at night, it didn't matter. We just always had fun! Until that one night. You remember. You were hanging out with Matt and he thought it would be fun if you got a little mixed up and then shared you with me. That's about the last thing I remember of that night. Until I woke up, thankfully with clothes on. I lost my first love and a lot of dignity that night.
We were basically done at that point. But being the persistent friend that you are, we did have a few good times after that. Just not as crazy. I started hanging out with your cousin Beer a lot more. I just couldn't forgive you and completely trust you anymore. I probably should have give up on your completely, but the good times just kept me hanging on.
Beer was a lot fun! A little more laid back than you. Not always up for a crazy time, just a good time. He fit in with my life better than you did. Course, he's one of those guys who wants you to be fat so that no other guys will look at you. He's slow and sneaky about it though so you won't notice until it's too late.
You slowly made your way back into my life about 10 years ago. You and Beer slowly crept back in. You had just been waiting quietly in the background, waiting for your moment to strike and be allowed back in my life. I'm sure you remember this. It was quite a dramatic time, all hell broke loose, if you recall. The cheating, backstabbing, loss of friends, loss of respect, loss of trust...you were just waiting for something to happen and my guard would be down. When I had lost so many people I loved, when betrayal stripped me to my bones. Then you slowly made your presence known. At that point, Beer was my constant companion. He showed up one day, and just slowly wormed his way back into my life where there were so many openings and he filled them. You knew you had waited for the perfect opportunity.
I think it was the new job that brought you back in. I had to drive past you every day. Eventually you kept reminding me of the good times, the fun times we had and could be having. We started hanging out every day again. Beer did come around a lot, but mostly I just used him when it was time to go to bed. Us girls had a lot of fun though. Giggling and crying over The OC and chick flicks. Reading books and staying up way too late just hanging out. It was so much fun, but it started to get old.
You started hanging out with others and I really didn't like seeing how you treated them. I started hanging out with Beer more and just had some good times with him. I guess it's jealousy that keeps you coming back to me? You see how Beer is with me and want to be a part of it? But you are mean to me. You pressure me to have more "fun" than I want to have. You try to be the person you were 10 years ago when you could make me forget the bad times, the loneliness, the unhappiness. I'm not that person anymore. I've grown and changed. You haven't. It's time to end this. I don't need you anymore. I have friends and people I love more than life itself. I don't need a void filled anymore. I know if you stay around I will have holes to fill again. I'll become a person people don't want to be around. I'll lose people again. I need you to leave me alone and let me live my life. I think we've reached a point where we've lost respect for one another and it's time we recognize that and go about our separate lives.
Your former BFF,