Who Am I?
Friday, May 23, 2014
I am still dealing with feelings of retiring. Now I truly understand what others went through
Now that I am retired and have no identity. I am left wondering just WHO I AM!!! I AM NOTHING!!! I AM NOTHING………. BLANK….. DEAD…… WORTHLESS…. IF I CAN’T BRING IN MONEY, WHAT GOOD AM I?
Over the years, I have had many different people tell me that I was nothing. J... told me that I was NOTHING, that he just wanted my body. Mama and daddy kept telling me that I am nothing, especially without them. So now, I don’t have my job to tell others who I am, I can’t hide behind Kaiser to make me feel like SOMEBODY!
I am WHAT???? WHO??? I have seen over and over with the clients I do readings on that their while identity was their job and I knew it was not who they really were but now that I am here, it is ME who all along felt that way too. How do I tell hubby that I am feeling like a NOTHING? I am working so hard on this house remodel but in the evenings I start to cram food down to hide my feelings of NOTHINGNESS! Dead feelings.
I thought retirement meant getting old and dying but, it is really being NOTHING! I already feel like I am dead and trying to stuff food in order to feel something in my body.
***That was yesterday
So today, with what I have learned with the Debbie Ford group, I looked at myself in the mirror and told me that I was nothing, over and over till it didn't hurt anymore, then I told me that I AM EVERYTHING!!! We are both sides of the coin, both good/bad, dark/light etc. By realizing this, it made it easier to see and feel. Not to push it back down with food and hide from my family but to really accept it and bless it too. I am both nothing and everything at the same time. Yin/Yang. I feel so much better today. I did some EFT (tapping) on it as well so we will see what happens when the evening falls.
At least I have been able to keep up my run/walk 4 miles every day, I am sure if I hadn't, the depression would have really been bad. I have been busy and feeling great till the evenings so we will see how I do tonight.
I am only sharing this in hopes to help someone else. I had no idea that I felt this way or put my whole identity of being a nurse for over 35 years. I am getting a retirement so it is not like I am not bringing in any money. Maybe it will help once I start receiving the checks in July. I needed to heal this first.
WHO AM I?
a child of God
above all a good person
It took me 3 weeks to get through my stuff but YEAAAA I am back!!!