it's too hard
Thursday, June 19, 2014
yup, i said those exact words to myself saturday night. luckily, i quickly realized what i said and told myself, no you're not trying hard enough.
let me explain.
i'm working on day 124 of a gallon-a-day water streak. the last 24 days or so have been a struggle. as have quite a few of the past 124, understandably. it's not supposed to be easy! i find myself chugging 1-2 liters right before bedtime lately. i was doing this again on saturday night. this is when i thought that terrible, awful, negative thought. i had been busy saturday and hadn't had time to drink a lot of water. this isn't always the case. i sometimes don't drink it all early in the day because i'm drinking soda, or beer, or i forgot my water. so many reasons, but none of the excuses are good enough to just stop this wonderful streak. in the past 124 days if there's anything i've done right it's drink water. i've eaten poorly, not worked out, been lazy, didn't track, etc. but through it all, i drank a gallon of water.
yes, it would be so easy to just stop and drink my 8 glasses a day. but why? so i can be lazy, so i can regress. so i can gain the 26 lbs i've lost while drinking a gallon of water every day?
this is hard. it's not supposed to be easy. it's a journey, it has it's struggles. as much as we all support each other here, we still have to do this ourself. no one is going to do it for us. we can hold each other's hands and praise and support one another, but in the end, we are the ones who have to make ourself do what is needed to be healthy.
i'm trying to keep all this in mind while i struggle with soda and working out. i've given up a lot in the past 4 months. in doing that i developed a crutch on diet soda. i drink a liter almost every day (i pee a lot). it's gotten insane. i need to give it up. i've been doing research to help get some motivation. scare myself straight, if you will. hasn't helped. i'm having an internal struggle. i have a fear of giving it up. almost a "what will happen" thought that goes through my mind. so far today i'm good. i think if i can just go a few days in a row without i'll be ok. i can do this! i went a whole year without soda. i just need a new crutch. haha.
i set my alarm every morning for 4 am. i push the snooze button til about 4:45 when i have to get up or else. why can't i get up to work out? i love working out early in the morning. i love the silence, the alone time. i love to have it out of the way so it's done and i don't have to make up excuses or find time to squeeze a workout in later in the day. it's like the soda, i'm the person who is making myself fail. i'm pushing snooze, i'm buying the soda. no one is forcing me. these are my choices.
is it the self sabotage? has it found a new way to deter my goals? i'm doing a pretty good job at fighting him lately, but maybe he's found a new route to use.
whatever it is, i have to remind myself that this is hard, but it's worth it.