Case of the disappearing Spark-ette

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Thank you to everyone who sent me a SparkMail or posted a comment on my Spark page to check in on me. Please know that I really, truly appreciate it, and I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner.

For the past few months, work has been a stressful mix of dealing with new difficult personalities, sudden project roadmap changes, personnel changes, last-minute presentation demands, less sleep, more all-nighters, business trips, my workaholic tendencies, the overwhelming feeling that I can't learn fast enough to keep up, this is - without a doubt - the most difficult year of my career.

I'm constantly panicking or upset or angry about something. I'm mainly disappointed in myself for not handling difficult situations well. Always thinking "I should have said X" or "I should have known Y" and "Now everyone must think I'm a loser" or "I'm sure they'd all prefer it if I just quit".

I put healthy habits on the back-burner in order to cope with everything going on, and gained back 15 lbs. Seeing 180.4 lbs on the scale today sucked. Physically, my tummy is popping out again, my face is chubbier, my legs are flabbier and my back pains are resurfacing.

I delivered a Phase 1 of my deliverables last week, presented them to some managers (who were happy about the designs) and then took a few days off. I feel rested today. I've started weaning myself off my comfort foods and feel hopeful about resuming exercise next week.

I've borrowed some books about dealing with difficult situations in the work place, and I'll start reading a few chapters in the morning. Hopefully I'll find some useful guidelines for moving forward.

That's where I am today. I hope my future posts will be a bit more upbeat.

I hope you have been well.
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