Next July, I will turn 59. It is a number that I have been dreading for 18 years. My mother was 59 when she passed away 18 years ago. Her death triggered a depression that took me years to overcome. And I turned to food for comfort....which in turn made me feel worse. Three and a half years ago, my father died...while his death was hard, I did not succumb to depression like I did before. Nonetheless, my weight loss efforts were derailed and the 32 pounds I had lost, found their way back to me....and then some. To top it off, two years ago I enrolled in school full time while working full time. There was no time for exercise, let alone will power for over eating.
I graduated this past May and vowed to turn that extra time and energy into taking care of myself. That too, has failed. In July, when I turned 58, I realized that I now faced the last year to make a change in my life. By that, I mean that my year of being 58 is the last chance to commemorate my mother's death by doing something positive with mine.
My mother's last year of life was marked with cancer....unable to speak or eat normally because she had Throat cancer surgery. She was very sick and ultimately, the cancer returned. She chose not to undergo chemo again, and died 10 days after her 59th birthday.
My mother's life was cut short by terminal illness. She was an amazing woman and I know she would have liked to have seen my kids become the adults they are now....and see my brother's son (now aged 18) grow up. I am struck with the irony that her illness was caused by her lifestyle choices (smoking and drinking). But who am I to judge when I purposely choose a lifestyle that predisposes me to all the health issues caused by obesity?
This year, what would have been her last year of life, will now be a chance at changing my life for the better. I want to be able to live life to its fullest. I will not be satisfied sitting on the sidelines, watching others having fun because I am unable to.
I now vow to live the healthiest life that I can.
I vow to lose 59 pounds in this, "The Year of Marcia".
I vow to make MY needs...a priority.
One step at a time.
Two weeks ago, I joined a class at work: Eat Smart, Move More, Weigh Less. Its premise is very much in line with SparkPeople. We weigh once a week, track our intake, track our fitness. Its all about accountability. Its a 12 week course, which I figure will help me in my quest for a healthier me. It is led by a dietician! who recommended using Sparkpeople! That of course, prompted me to look at my Sparkpage and rethink my goals.
It feels good to be in control again.