MIAMI_LILLY
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Acceptance

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

I have not written a blog in ages...almost 5 months, to be exact. I've sat down in front of my computer so many times, and just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I think there are a few reasons why but the one that sticks out the most is my weight gain.

When you lose a significant amount of weight, it is always done with the intention you'll never go back to your old habits or your old weight. I was so sure of my lifestyle and new habits, I donated all my clothes that were over a size 12. But what do you do when a medical condition is mostly to blame for your weight gain? Does it hurt any less? Are you more forgiving of yourself? Short answer...not always.

My closet is full of jeans I can't breathe in when I put them on. Or ones I can't get on at all. I was left feeling really down. My thyroid got the best of me. My TSH numbers have been all over the place this past year. Here I am, training for my first half marathon, and I couldn't run 2 miles. And I keep thinking, "if I could just lose the 20 pounds I've gained, I could run so much faster". It has taken me months to accept the fact that these pounds, no matter what I do, will not come off. And I cannot run as fast as I used to. I used to run a 10.5 minute mile. That was my peak and I will not see that again any time soon. I am no longer a size 10/12. I am now a 14. That was one of the hardest things I've had to do, was buy bigger jeans. Just as hard was weighing in on Monday and actually updating my ticker. No more lying to myself, and everyone else out there. I am 5 pounds away from leaving Onderland, and I will fight like hell to never return.

What I've learned from accepting the negatives, is that the positives become so much more sweeter. I can't run a mile in 10 1/2minutes. It takes me 12. But every week, I'm running further. So what if I can't finish my first half marathon in 2 hours? I'M GOING TO FINISH A HALF MARATHON, PEOPLE!! That's 13.1 miles! And I could never have imagined that when I was 275 pounds!
My doctor asked me if my pulse was always this slow. My resting heart rate is like, 53 beats per minute! That is amazing. When I was morbidly obese, my resting heart rate was over 90. That's scary.
And I'm not a size 10. But I'm not a size 24 either!

So I'm going to thank God for the body He gave me, and accept the fact it's not perfect on the outside, but it's close to perfect on the inside. And it's allowing me to do things I never thought was possible.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HAPPYCAVEGIRL
    I'm a bit late responding to this, and I hope you have found a way to help your thyroid issues, but just in case. :)

    I have severe thyroid issues. My doctor keeps my levels regulated, at least according to tests, but that doesn't mean my body is using my thyroid optimally. I have struggled with my weight so much that I was scheduled for WLS last year. NOTHING worked and I felt like it was my only option. Calorie counting was the only thing I had found that worked at least a little bit, but I felt like I was obsessed with thinking about food when I did it. Thankfully something else came up and I was not able to get the surgery. I say thankfully because I ended up coming across something that made every difference in the world for me.

    www.whole30.com I am healthier than I have EVER been in my entire life. I've dropped half a clothing size and lost 15lbs in one month, not to mention the numerous other changes I've experienced. That is huge for me and my thyroid. I finally feel that I have control over my body again. It's free and I don't get anything out of it, I just wanted to share something that truly changed my life in the hopes that it might help yours.

    Stay positive!
    2351 days ago
  • ARUNNINGKAT
    I am pretty sure thyroid issues are the worst! Hang in there! Love that you are at a place of doing what you can, but also accepting what you can't change. I read something the other day about how we often fail to see the good in our bodies. We spend our time complaining about our chubby legs and never realize what our life would be like without those chubby legs. I know I am not explaining it very well, but perhaps you get what I am trying to say. Anyway! Love that you are finding the good!
    2448 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10895053
    It's so good that you wrote this blog even with you feeling bummed out with starting it anyway. I really think you did so good in writing it and by the end of it, you were so upbeat and ready to tackle all that you needed to tackle! emoticon So see, it's best to come out and write something even when we don't feel so uppity about everything! I've written too when I haven't felt the best and I probably should again. The last time I had written a blog, I had gained around 20# with my right bum knee keeping me from exercising like I want to and with having RA to begin with, it's tough to do much anyway! So my weight gain is really from my medical condition too. I am scheduled to have a full knee replacement Dec. 15th and then I hope with P/T etc., and with time, I'll be able to walk like I used to. Oh please!! emoticon I can kind of enter in with you too, with the thyroid issue. I have a hypothyroid and my TSH has increased and then decreased. This last time it had decreased, so less medicine, so that made me feel good. My heart beat has been up in the 90's for some time with being overweight and now lower with losing weight. I love to exercise when I can and that's a change from the 232# me!! With my low thyroid, I always still have to push myself to exercise, but don't we all to a certain point? I got down to a size 14 and am now up to a 16. Ugh! My aim is to get down to a comfortable size 12 here on SP. I will do it one day, I know I will and you will get to where you want to be too! We will do it!! I had gotten so close to my Onderland.....about 7 more #'s and I wouldve been there! We have to really mean it too, don't we?!! Hugs to you, Karen
    2448 days ago
  • TMW54812
    We all know it's much easier to share when we loosing weight or maintaining goal. Kudos to you for being grateful about your much improved health even if not at goal weight. Living our Spark programs means will be as healthy as we can be ( at this time). You are young, beautiful , and living the healthiest lifestyle possible ...you are doing great!

    All the best,
    T.
    2449 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/12/2014 2:31:14 PM
  • no profile photo CD12068097
    You will be fine... Keep heading to Spark. and keep the I CAN attitude you have .... . and remember what you have learned. Best wishes and thoughts to you.
    2449 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12242150
    Well done with the positive attitude it is easy to give up when your health is so problematic ( I have a chronic back condition) so I know only too well how awful it can get. You are doing brilliantly emoticon
    2449 days ago
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