Hello Again

Thursday, November 13, 2014

So after a couple months of steering dreadfully away from my scale I sucked it up and came face to face with the reality I've been rightfully terrified of. 185.6 looking right back at me. Immediately the flood gates of emotion break and I'm pissed. I'm mad. That number is going to haunt me. I know we shouldn't put our feeling of self-worth to a number but today I'm calling BS. I'm 5'3" and seeing a number that throws me into an obese category on a doctors chart isn't right. This has been a struggle my entire adult life. I've seen success before! I've literally had my shorts falling off my waist or the time when I stepped on the scale and saw 145. I know what size 8 pants feel like on me. I had a breast reduction within the last year and wasn't I supposed to focus and get the body I could never have before the surgery? All the pretty dresses I could wear. I know what it's like and I'm mad. Mad because my stomach is touching the top of my legs right now. I'm mad because I can't button up my work uniform or look presentable in it. I'm mad because I bought a new plethora of work out clothes and they look like a joke on me. I'm mad because I don't feel beautiful. Some days it just feels like you never get anything right. This is one of those days. Why haven't I ever been able to figure out this weight problem. I want to be healthy, I want to be comfortable and I want to not feel depressed. Here's another shot at it. I remember that I was "that girl who lost 40 lbs" and how close I felt to that person who I knew I always was inside
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ASHESS85
    I am right there with you. Things happen, life happens! Glad to see you back. I know you can get right back to145, I've seen you do it before! You are still a motivation to me! emoticon
    2440 days ago
    Let that anger motivate you - you can do it!!
    2445 days ago
  • MATTAB77
    Hey Tat,

    Time to jump back on that horse and ride like the wind! I'm just at the start of my weight loss journey........took me 10 years to figure out that I should lose some weight! You've done it before, you can definitely do it again. Good luck!!!!!!!
    2445 days ago
    Hello and welcome back to Spark People!
    Good luck to starting over!
    Once you settle into eating better and moving more, you will feel better immediately.

    2445 days ago
    I hope you will jump right back in and keep working at it. I had done the same thing more times than I can remember, but so far I have been sticking to this attempt for a long time. I really think it is all about finding what works for you. For me, that means I found a food plan that I enjoy and exercise that is fun. Good luck!
    2445 days ago
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