290 Days

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Today is day 290 that I have not had a cigarette. I am very proud of myself. I am also very upset with myself. I have gained back 30 pounds. On December 29th I weighed in at my highest weight ever. 270 lbs December was a horrible month for me. More days than not I had suicidal thoughts. I am not proud of that. About 4 years ago I decided I didn't need my zoloft anymore so I took myself off of it. I've done Ok. But recently I have been feeling that I should go back to taking it. So Monday I went to the Dr. She prescribed my zoloft. I started taking it again and I am hoping it helps. I really need to get motivated to get back on track. I need to get rid of this 30 lbs and many more and I now know that it will not happen if I can't even make myself get out if bed. Depression is not a good thing. It really makes you look at life in the wrong way. I had friends begging me too get to the Dr. My excuse was that I do not have insurance. I know it's not a good excuse because I called and they charged me $30 at the time and will bill me for the rest. I know it may take some time to pay the rest but at least I will be alive and able to do it.
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