giving it my all, or i'm quitting

Friday, February 20, 2015

i've been struggling, i've been self-sabotaging myself, i've been lying to myself, i've been full of one excuse after another. when did this start? it's been going on so long i can't even tell. but it needs to change! i've been gaining and losing the same 5-10 lbs for months! i can't do this anymore. i can't invest all this time and money into myself and just keep throwing it all away. i plan my meals and snacks, then just eat whatever the heck i want to. i'm on a food budget and i work very hard to stick to it. then i go and waste some of that money on soda and junk food. what the heck is wrong with me?!

i make a goal and then not even a day into it i'm doing whatever i can to screw it up. this week (saturday - friday) i was going to workout every day and avoid alcohol. i didn't even make it through saturday without drinking. i worked out saturday and sunday, but that's it.
i was going to do a dietbet transformer. it's a 6 month challenge where you put $25 in a pot for 6 months and at the end whoever had lost 10% of their weight wins money. i seriously considered it, then was honest with myself that i'd be throwing the money away. so i decided to do my own challenge. i would weigh myself monthly for 6 months and if i made the target weight that month i'd add $25 to the pot. if i made my goal at the end of 6 months i'd win whatever was in the pot, if i didn't make it i'd win nothing. i started this on wednesday. since then i've eaten more junkfood than anyone ever should and i haven't worked out once. what is wrong with me?! i can't even try?!

i've been meaning to do the beck diet for over 2 months. i did the first week before christmas and it got too hectic to devote the time i needed. what's stopping me now?

why do i constantly set out to sabotage myself? why is it the closer i get to onederland the more i try to make myself fail? why am i so afraid of my own success? why is it that i'll cringe at spending $30 on healthy food, but i'll go to a restaurant and eat and drink without even thinking about it?

where are my priorities? where is my passion?

i want this healthy lifestyle! i want to be fit and healthy! i want to be a good example to my friends and family! i want to motivate someone! why do i keep myself from achieving my goals?

i can't keep doing this to myself. my weeks start on saturday. that's my weigh in day, it's my day to set up goals and reflect on the past week. i'm giving myself 4 weeks from tomorrow to make some progress. i don't want to put a number like 8 lbs lost, i'm sure that will just make me sabotage my efforts before i even get this posted. i know what i need to do. i know what i need to eat, and not eat. i know i need to workout. if i don't make a genuine improvement on eating and working out in the next 4 weeks, i'm done. i have to stay on plan, i have to work towards my goals. i can't keep wasting my time, and yours.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MATHISC4464
    What someone else said made sense, when I try to change everything at once it all crumbles, but when I change one small thing it helps. Take water for instance, my favorite drink is fountain coke, it tastes so good and is super addicting. I've decided to not drink pop and only drink water. I've been very successful on switching to water, yes I'm not always perfect and I have an alcoholic drink sometimes, but I try to make sure its not pop. This one change has been something thats easy to do so even when I don't eat as well as I should I at least don't drink pop! Keep working hard. The journey will be long and it will be hard, but it will ALWAYS be worth it!
    2263 days ago
    I like what ADARKARA said. emoticon

    I'm rooting for you.
    2266 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/21/2015 9:22:02 AM
  • KMW987
    Deciding that this is it is a huge step in the right direction. You can do this. Find your motivation and then commit yourself! Don't worry so much about finding the perfect diet, just make healthy choices and substitutions when possible. Stay strong & stick to it. You CAN do this!!!
    2266 days ago
    We are only human and make desicions base on our lifestyle... try to be happy and celebrate the progress youve made now or after.... you can do it.
    2266 days ago
    Focus... One step at a time... drink some water all day... dont eat sweets some other day... dont eat bread one day... eat the dark chocolate if you feel like it... drink if yoir celebrating...just dont punish yourself for everything.
    2266 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7204509
    Don't let one misstep sabotage your weight loss journey. Take it from someone who had done exactly that too many times to count.

    I looked at your stats, I'm 30 years older than you are, and have about the same amount of weight to lose. I've already lost 20 pounds, but it took me almost 6 months.

    I had an AHA! moment last year, when I ran into an acquaintance I met through my Weight Watchers meeting a few years earlier. I quit about 6 months into the program and she kept with it. She made Lifetime and stayed at her goal for 3 years, while I - thinking I could do it on my own - gained another 15 pounds.

    So, not only was I not at goal, I had an additional 15 pounds to lose to get to goal. Boy - did I feel stupid! So, I made a promise to myself, this time I would stick with the program until I made Lifetime - no matter how slowly I lose, how much time it takes, I am not giving up on myself.

    I'm hypothyroid, but I'm not using that as an excuse this time. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. I have days where I slip up, want to give up, but I keep thinking about my promise to myself, and get right back on program.

    I don't expect or believe in perfection. That just leads to frustration and guilt. If you plan your meals and snacks, and stick to that plan, you will get to your ultimate goal. But be patient, and be kind to yourself.

    Life is not an "all or nothing" proposition. Neither is weight loss. You won't lose every week, you might stay the same for a while, or even gain. Don't judge yourself by the number on the scale - you are so much more than that. emoticon
    2266 days ago
    Are you trying to jump into things too wholeheartedly, maybe?

    If you make small changes, like switching out water for other beverages, and adding in some extra steps throughout your day, it might seem less overwhelming.

    We're here for you!
    2266 days ago
    I struggle with the same issues and just blogged with a title of "What Is Wrong With Me?" I find myself sabotaging any loss too.... Can't figure out why, but I try to get right back on track and not let it ruin all my efforts! We know why we lose and gain the same few pounds over and over, but we can't seem to drag ourselves out of that vicious circle. It is not a waste of time to try and keep trying.... So, set up some real goals for this next 4 weeks.... Don't throw yourself into a difficult process.... Aim for just 10 minutes a day of working out.... Just 10 and do more if you feel it. Drink more water.... 8 full glasses a day. Set up goals you know you can do and go from there! Every day working out may be too much, so do the 10 minutes for 5 days out of each week. Tell yourself you can always do more, but never less than the 10 minutes for those 5 days! Don't do or take on too much, but don't just give up! You are worth it!! Wishing you success!
    2266 days ago
    Hmmm, maybe you can consider going to counseling or therapy? Sometimes working on ourselves in that way can help with other areas of our lives as well I know I've experienced that myself. I love counseling for all the help and benefits it's brought into my life!

    Another thing that I am seeing is that maybe you are rebelling against yourself. What about a different approach than "I should" or "I need to" do such and such. How about finding something you enjoy that just so happens to be healthy and doing that more often. Also it's better to struggle with the same 5-10lbs. than to give up, all or nothing is not the best idea. I gave up when I struggled like that years ago and I wish I hadn't but I just didn't know any other way to fix the problem so I just decided I was just going to accept being bigger. But now I have a better understanding of it all and my "enjoy" approach has made a big difference for me.
    2266 days ago
  • AJB121299
    good luck
    2266 days ago
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