Physical Fighting isn't a Kerfuffle.
Saturday, May 02, 2015
I've lived my life surrounded by stuff kids should never see.
Granted, I'm 18 now, but the things I've seen hurt me, destroyed my childhood, left me with scars that you can't see.
I get anxiety at loud noises, and sometimes if it scares me enough, I'll break into tears. Yelling is also a no-no with me. I'll hyperventilate and sob if the violence I witness is intense.
And I don't mean movie violence. I mean, my family violence. My parents fought violently, my older sister and her boyfriend did also, my older brother and his girlfriend continue to. There are actually scars they have from each other.
Even now, my mom is dating a drug-addicted angry, jealous and loud frenchman. He smashes stuff, today he hit the car and broke it in several ways. He's broken countless dishes we had, and he's a complete pig.
But how dare I point out anything he needs to improve on to my mother? She actually gets mad at me for complaining about crap he pulls.
He's almost 50, I'm not even 19 yet. Aren't the roles a bit reversed here? Not to mention, since he came into my moms life, I went from a 60% parent to a 97% parent.
I feel like I deal with children even when I'm supposedly talking to 2 grown adults.
After the huge fight and smashing spree today, my mom apologized for the: "little kerfuffle" today.
After the first scream session face to face, it becomes a huge fight. It is not a kerfuffle, it is not an argument, it is not a lovers quarrel. It is violent, scary, mutual abusive interactions.
I don't know about you, but I never aim to put fear into the heart of someone I care about. I never yell in someone's face, cursing and calling names. Because that's not love. That's not love at all.