Do I Like Myself?

I've been asking myself that a lot over the last couple of days. Looking back at my old blogs, I wonder why I didn't follow through with the things I said I was going to do. It wasn't because I didn't mean what I said when I said it - I think I just have a problem with commitment and don't like myself enough to do whatever it takes to be the best person I can be health-wise and weight-wise. My good intentions just seem to die on the vine. Do I think it will be different this time? I don't know. All I do know is that I tracked yesterday and today and so far, so good. Maybe it's time to just relax and let it happen.

I have been doing a good deal of thinking about the "whys." Why I never got to my goal weight; why I yo-yo around, year in and year out; why I don't just take the bull by the horns and get this done. One of my conclusions is that I have always had do everything I do perfectly. This was expected of me as a child and it carried over into my adult life and, as a result, I put way too much pressure on myself. What results is that as soon as I have a slip-up or go over my calorie range one day, I can't deal with the "failure" and I just give up and quit - until the next time I try again. I want to end this and step out of this revolving door.

What I'm going to do is simply this: I am going to give my plan the best shot I can each day. When I have a good day, I will be thankful for it. When I have a bad day, I will still be thankful for that day. And, when the bad days come I will look forward to the next new day and try to make it better. I will try to stay true to my exercise schedule but if I don't get to the pool or the gym, I will not beat myself up and give up. Maybe if I go a little easier on myself, I will get this 32 pounds off by my birthday . That would be a great gift to myself and it is time I start liking me and being as forgiving with myself as I am with others.