survived a major trigger to be booze free for 2 days
Wednesday, June 03, 2015
I realized this morning that being booze free for 30 days is so important to me that I'm going to move all my other june goals to the backburner and focus on this one. I don't want my usual failure of one goal to bring on the domino effect for everything else. I'm hoping my success and wonderful feelings for this one thing will trigger a chain reaction for other goals.
I actually haven't had a drink since Saturday night, but that's not part of my 30 days, so I'm only counting actual june days at this point. anyway, feeling good and pretty proud of myself. especially after last night!
I have serious issues with staying up after 8 and watching tv. I just can't stay awake. well last night was the summer premiere of pretty little liars. I couldn't not watch it! the only way I can stay up past 8 and watch tv is by drinking. I had arguments with myself all day yesterday about this.
I could watch it some other time, but omg! what if I read a spoiler?
I could buy beer/wine/rum and just start over tomorrow. ugh, but I already have 2 full days under my belt.
I already messed up one of my june goals so I could just start over later. no! I'm so sick of starting over! I'm so sick of not having control of my actions!
then I had to stop at the store to pick up a prescription and asparagus. I also needed to get dh beer. here's the kicker, dh drinks miller lite (as his daily beer). I used to drink all the light beers. then I became a beer snob* and will only drink light beers if I am already drunk or feel obligated to accept one that is offered (I really need to work on that). so him having his "cheap" beer in the fridge will not effect me. weird, eh? this reassures me that I'm not yet a total alcoholic. anyway, while at the store I passed a great sale on wine. I stared at it but never stopped. I did it! I successfully went to the store and didn't buy wine! or beer (for myself)! or alcohol! I felt great! I felt like I could actually take on these 30 days!
got home, did my housework and made dinner. sat down to watch tv at about 7 and started feeling drowsy. I was sure I wouldn't make it through my show that started at 8. got dd ready for bed, read her a few books, but still felt sleepy. started thinking the rum and coke would have been a good idea. but then thought, I can either do this or not. I don't need alcohol to get through a tv show. it's not a big deal, I can watch it ondemand tomorrow and deal with it. the show started, i got up to do something in the kitchen. sat down, got up to check my phone. i got an invite for a fitbit daily challenge. i accepted it then realized it started that day and only had a couple hours left. i was only at like 85%. no way was i not getting 10k! i started marching in place, moving around the house during commercial breaks, whatever it took. but i did it! i got 10k steps, i watched my entire show and i didn't need any alcohol!
I'm really proud of myself. once i got home from the store i knew i wouldn't leave the house again, so i just had to not think about lack of booze. i knew i could make it through the night without at that point. that fitbit invite made me realize i could watch tv without needing a little something (a lot, lets be honest) to keep me awake. i could move!
crossing my fingers that i complete the rest of day 3!
*I'm not the type of beer snob who thinks poorly of people who drink non-craft beers. I consumed lots and lots of coors light back in the day. it's the number one reason I became overweight. not in a "mcdonald's made me fat" sort of way. anyway, I have complete respect for whatever people choose to drink. I just refer to myself as a snob because I used to drink that and now I can't tolerate the taste of it. I didn't want anyone to feel insulted by my beer comments.