New beginning, believing it doesn't make it so.

Friday, July 24, 2015

This is how I've been feeling for the last hour:

And all because I'm comparing myself to others in their journey- and thinking mine is lacking in some way. It's easy for me to do this- I've done it my whole life. If I'm going to do something I want to be the STAR!

I want to always be the biggest loser- especially if I've 'worked hard' (whatever that means) at the week. This has sabotaged me for most of my adult life. As I've mentioned (and will continue to do so as it helps me to remind myself) I've been on a diet for 45 years. So I have a lot of experience with dieting- doing well- losing- doing well- not losing- throwing a tantrum- eating everything in site- staying on a binge for days, weeks, months, years- dieting.

I'm not sure if anyone recognized that pattern but I can do it in my sleep.

Even with my upcoming wls, the site I've been on all month is full of people who lost NOTHING at first. Not. A. Pound. And they had surgery and some had 80% of their stomachs yanked out. (I am not). Talk about raging at the moon- I'd be setting poo on fire in front of the Dr.'s house.

But- they just had to learn to be patient. Wait. Let their body do what it needed to do.
And it all worked out in the end.

For every single one of them. (Those who stayed).

Nothing is promised here. Our bodies are operating on a very finely tuned plane I do not even begin to really understand- and thinking I have any control whatsoever over it- is truly nuts. No matter what I'm doing- I have to do my best every day- every choice- and leave the rest alone.

Wait. Just wait.
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