New beginnings, mind game
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
I'm learning a lot of this is about what's in my head. I know it ends up being about what's in my mouth- but it starts in my head.
I think I might have actually experienced real hunger in my pre-op days. I'm still getting 400-500 calories a day and late at night...I sometimes feel something that might be real hunger. I'm not sure I've felt that before. I'm also not sure what 'full' really is since I always tend to go over-full.
I've heard if you weigh 400 pounds your stomach is the size of a basketball, and so how can you ever really 'fill' that up with food? It would be hard to do, that's for sure. And since I've always been 'dieting'...or trying to...I was trying to give myself very little food. But even 1500 calories a day? Never full. And there is always tomorrow- I can do better tomorrow.
I think one thing I'm learning right now is tomorrow isn't HERE- it doesn't even matter yet. I eat one meal at a time. I don't think about the next one- I just deal with this one. And then...I wait until I feel hungry before I try eating another one. It's a very different concept for me.
No magic. I always knew there was no magic but I wished I could find some. Fairy dust that, when sprinkled on me, would let me eat with abandon without consequence. But it doesn't work that way. There is a choice to eat to nourish or to eat to fill the void.
It's a hard habit to break...filling that void.