New beginnings, mind game

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I'm learning a lot of this is about what's in my head. I know it ends up being about what's in my mouth- but it starts in my head.

I think I might have actually experienced real hunger in my pre-op days. I'm still getting 400-500 calories a day and late at night...I sometimes feel something that might be real hunger. I'm not sure I've felt that before. I'm also not sure what 'full' really is since I always tend to go over-full.

I've heard if you weigh 400 pounds your stomach is the size of a basketball, and so how can you ever really 'fill' that up with food? It would be hard to do, that's for sure. And since I've always been 'dieting'...or trying to...I was trying to give myself very little food. But even 1500 calories a day? Never full. And there is always tomorrow- I can do better tomorrow.

I think one thing I'm learning right now is tomorrow isn't HERE- it doesn't even matter yet. I eat one meal at a time. I don't think about the next one- I just deal with this one. And then...I wait until I feel hungry before I try eating another one. It's a very different concept for me.

No magic. I always knew there was no magic but I wished I could find some. Fairy dust that, when sprinkled on me, would let me eat with abandon without consequence. But it doesn't work that way. There is a choice to eat to nourish or to eat to fill the void.

It's a hard habit to break...filling that void.

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  • no profile photo CD3189694
    From basketball to umm softball? You will be full for sure. Thinking about you tonight and tomorrow...and always...
    2182 days ago
    Mind games are rough. You are realizing what they do to you though and that speaks volumes. I have amazed myself often times when I allow myself to actually get to the point of real hunger before I insist I have to eat. It's such a foreign concept when we are use to filling ourselves with food all the time. Keep up the good fight. You are doing great!
    2185 days ago
    I think you've summed it up quite nicely. I hadn't realized it until I read your blog that I do the same thing, looking too far ahead. Why didn't I notice that. So I will be doing one bite at a time. Tomorrow doesn't matter yet!

    Do you know how free I feel right now. So silly that sometimes it just takes someone else to say or point out the obvious before the light bulb flickers.... Hmmm.

    Hugs xoxo :-)
    2187 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/30/2015 1:28:17 PM
    Di, I feel you on this. Thanks for your insight.
    2188 days ago
    I am glad you are finding insight during this pre-op journey. You are almost there my friend.
    2188 days ago
    2188 days ago
    I'd never heard that before. That's something.
    2189 days ago
    Good to read your blog. Glad that you're staying focused. Wow?! The size of a basketball!!
    2189 days ago
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