Monday, September 28, 2015
Tonight, for the first time since the Beck Trek started, I ate a bunch of food without planning or taking a portion out of a container or "caring" what I ate or trying to answer sabotaging thoughts.
It has been a long weekend, lots of family events, some unusual eating, but really I did well even at restaurants. But tonight, I was having some troubles, nothing big, but just not feeling great, and I started with a small yogurt, then sat down with a half a raisin challah in a ziploc bag, and just ate a little, ate a little more, .... I stopped before it was gone, but I ate about half of it, so a quarter of a round raisin challah.
Then I took a container of cashews, and I ate a few, ate a few more, ... and finally stopped. I am exhausted, but I don't know if I'll fall asleep because I just ate a ton of food.
When I get up tomorrow, I am getting right back on track. Not because it is a Monday but just because I know that I need to start right away. (I am not sure if some of my added snacks were a way of saying that "I already blew it so I'll just keep eating" but I really don't think that was it.)
I'm actually glad that this is making me feel sick. It reminds me why I don't want to do it.