Embarrassed--Hide or Transparency?
Sunday, October 18, 2015
I have my fair share of little slips on program. We all do. Since I came back to Sparkpeople I've been focused and ON. I went on vacation, made my choices, and came back heavier. My choice. I don't regret it.
What I do regret is that in October I do not seem to have myself pulled together. I am disappointed in myself. I'm giving it a lot of thought to see what's changed in my head and what buttons I need to re-push to get back in the game.
I also discovered Sparkpeople does make a difference. As I sat there thinking about my options, I initially dismissed saying anything here on Spark. Either I choose to do it or not. No one else can make me do it. That's how I lost the first 40 pounds. I wasn't part of the community then.
But I would miss my Sparkbuddies. And to be in my teams without being authentic is...pointless. Isn't it? To pretend everything is great when I'm struggling seems...
Well to be HONEST it seems very like me! Put on that happy face. Smile. Put the best spin on it! Except we're all in this together. Faking that everything is ok is not why I'm here. I'm here to grow and learn and get it right this time. I don't want to put half the weight back on after it comes off again.
Maybe that's what's different. The last time I had this silly mentality that once I hit goal it was "all over." Surprise. It's not. That's why I put half the weight back on. This time I'm very aware that the changes I make must be sustainable. So it IS a different mindset, with different challenges and stumbles.
No one can make me get my head in the game. That's all me. Either I do it or I don't. But I've decided it sure is better to stay authentic and honest in the community than go back to isolation and figuring it all out on my own. There's no room to hide because I'm embarrassed. Dig into those emotions, figure it out, and make the adjustments. Pretending does no one any good. When we're authentic is when we learn and grow together.
So this is me, still embarrassed, but being transparent.