Embarrassed--Hide or Transparency?

Sunday, October 18, 2015

I have my fair share of little slips on program. We all do. Since I came back to Sparkpeople I've been focused and ON. I went on vacation, made my choices, and came back heavier. My choice. I don't regret it.

What I do regret is that in October I do not seem to have myself pulled together. I am disappointed in myself. I'm giving it a lot of thought to see what's changed in my head and what buttons I need to re-push to get back in the game.

I also discovered Sparkpeople does make a difference. As I sat there thinking about my options, I initially dismissed saying anything here on Spark. Either I choose to do it or not. No one else can make me do it. That's how I lost the first 40 pounds. I wasn't part of the community then.

But I would miss my Sparkbuddies. And to be in my teams without being authentic is...pointless. Isn't it? To pretend everything is great when I'm struggling seems...

Well to be HONEST it seems very like me! Put on that happy face. Smile. Put the best spin on it! Except we're all in this together. Faking that everything is ok is not why I'm here. I'm here to grow and learn and get it right this time. I don't want to put half the weight back on after it comes off again.

Maybe that's what's different. The last time I had this silly mentality that once I hit goal it was "all over." Surprise. It's not. That's why I put half the weight back on. This time I'm very aware that the changes I make must be sustainable. So it IS a different mindset, with different challenges and stumbles.

No one can make me get my head in the game. That's all me. Either I do it or I don't. But I've decided it sure is better to stay authentic and honest in the community than go back to isolation and figuring it all out on my own. There's no room to hide because I'm embarrassed. Dig into those emotions, figure it out, and make the adjustments. Pretending does no one any good. When we're authentic is when we learn and grow together.

So this is me, still embarrassed, but being transparent.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon for your honesty. It is so easy to "hide" when we fail, but I have found too that SP support is awesome and keeps me going.
    2049 days ago
    glad you are here. I went to a popular place for a meeting and weigh in. I realized that sp has already taught me the things they were teaching. I didn't see support among the attendees so I'm here too even though I take time off every so often.

    I'm here for any support I can give. emoticon
    2060 days ago
  • USTINYA2015
    Hi Dawn--

    I'm back from a short trip out of town--and your post today made me feel a sympathetic smile. I've had a great couple of days (somewhat torpedoed by today's performance, which would best be described as "troughing"--all that good travel planning fell down on the trip home... for which I did *not* have a plan, and really, with all those oddly timed meals, I should have done), and am down on the scale this week.

    But--I feel like what has been going on with me the past ~8 days has pretty much been the inverse experience you've been going through--last week I was the down one, taking heart from hearing about your positive news!

    Which of course is a big part of the point of this endeavor. Taking heart from our friends on the days when we're not doing our best, or we're feeling low.

    Glad to be sharing both with you this month--which still has weeks to run! emoticon
    2062 days ago
    Thank you for your honesty! I admire your strength! I hope to be as strong.
    2063 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your authentic self with us.
    2063 days ago
    What a good blog! My next blog will be a confessional one, too. I've been having similar thoughts, wondering if I should share or hide my struggles, but I think almost everyone here is in the same boat, everyone understands, everyone is supportive, and it really does help to get things out in the open and start with a clean slate.

    Tomorrow will be a good day and you will soon find yourself on the right path again. The path might not be completely straight (we all take detours sometimes), but it'll be the path that eventually leads where you want to go!
    2063 days ago
    emoticon and emoticon on your authenticity.

    It will serve you well. Focusing on what's going on between our ears is critical. What we're thinking matters. It can impact our choices and sabotage our efforts.

    You are right. The changes we make must be sustainable. Something we can live with for the rest of our lives to maintain what we've attained.

    Have you taken a look at the Beck Diet Solution team? The team is based on the work of Judith S. Beck and is about aligning our thinking to support our weight loss efforts.
    2064 days ago
    Good for you! It's hard to face yourself honestly and even harder to be real with others. I think those are keys to real change though.
    2064 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15653250
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Figure it out & make adjustments that's all any of us can do. I agree pretending doesn't do anyone any good. No need to feel embarrassed you should be feeling very proud. It's takes strength to keep moving forward & you are doing just that. Together we'll stay on this healthy road leaning on each other along the way. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2064 days ago
    emoticon I am a true believer in being accountable to our Spark family. Well done in being open and posting emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2064 days ago
    Great blog. I have occasionally taken a little time-out from SP and found that it really made a difference when I stayed on here.
    2064 days ago
    glad you will stay ... you definitely make me think about things ....roc emoticon
    2064 days ago
  • ELP14586
    We all slip up time to time. We're all human. We all do it. It's us that are stronger that keep going!
    2064 days ago
  • BRANDI1809
    You can only follow a healthy lifestyle if your mind is set on the right path, no-one else can do it for you, it's totally down to you. The great thing about Sparkpeople is that everyone is in the same boat & therefore we can all give each other the support & motivation we all need from time to time.
    emoticon emoticon
    2064 days ago
    Thank you for the thoughts and the blog. You've hit a responsive chord within me - I ask myself the same questions on this shared SparkJourney.
    2064 days ago
    There's nothing to be embarrassed about. We all have blips and set backs. I've restarted so many times I've lost count. And as you know, I'm currently stuck on the halfway hump!
    2064 days ago
    I am proud of your hard work and dedication. And also of you sharing what you've discovered!

    This is something important you've learned - and I would choose celebration of that achievement and not be embarrassed. We already have enough negative things that "play on tape" in our heads without adding to the chorus.

    It is a lifestyle change. It's what works for you right now. It's one step at a time and putting one foot in front of the other and continually moving. It's realizing when you get in your own way, you can simply "get around yourself" and continue, not quit or give up.

    And as for maintaining our weight when we lose it, it's a simple matter of continuing to do all the things we did to get to that point. So we keep portioning out our food, track it, drink enough water, and move our bodies.

    2064 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12680138
    You have great insight and the right attitude. It is ok to reach out for help. I am in maintenance and it is something to focus on each day. If I can be of any help don't hesitate to reach out to me.
    2064 days ago
    You are your greatest tool for success!

    Make today the greatest day of your life

    emoticon Until tomorrow!

    2064 days ago
  • INSPIRED1314
    Thanks for sharing!
    2064 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.