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For Conflict Resolution, Switch Your Focus

Thursday, November 05, 2015

For Conflict Resolution, Switch Your Focus
By Rick Warren — Nov 5, 2015

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” (Philippians 2:4-5 NLT, second edition)
When you meet someone to resolve a conflict, you first have to confess your part of the problem. Then, you need to listen for the other person’s hurt and perspective.
We think we argue over ideas. But we actually argue over emotion. Any time there’s a conflict, somebody got his feelings hurt. Somebody felt abused. Somebody felt slighted. It’s not the ideas that cause the conflict. It’s the emotion behind the idea.
Hurt people hurt people. The more people are hurting, the more they lash out at everybody else. People who aren’t hurting don’t hurt others. People who are filled with love are loving toward others. People who are filled with joy are joyful to others. People who are filled with peace are at peace with everybody else. But people who are hurting inside are going to hurt others. They’re going to lash out.
If you want to connect with people, you must start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests. If you want to be a good salesman, you don’t start with your product. You start with your customer’s need, hurts, and interests. If you want to be a good professor or pastor or anything else, you start with people’s needs, hurts, and interests.
Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT, second edition).
Are you often so busy trying to get the people you’re in conflict with to see your position that you’re not listening to theirs? You’re too busy speaking and not listening and, as a result, you move further and further away.
You need to intentionally switch your focus from your needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with the way you look at the situation. The word “look” in Philippians 2:4 is the Greek word “scopos.” It’s where we get the words “microscope” and “telescope.”
“Scopos” means to focus. The next verse says your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. You are most like Jesus when you’re focusing on the hurts of somebody else rather than your own.
There’s an old Chinese proverb that says, “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” When you’re focused on the other person’s needs and not your own, you’ll be able to get a better understanding of the situation and move forward with resolving your conflict.

Talk It Over
How did Jesus set an example for us for how to look out for others’ interests?
What are some ways that you can practice showing concern for others’ needs?
How do you need to prepare yourself before you go into conflict resolution so that you are prepared to listen and focus on the other person?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ICECUB
    emoticon WE ALL NEED TO FORGIVE
    2054 days ago
  • LOULOUWLG403
    1. We must have the same interest that Christ Jesus had, we must put their interest
    first. 2. Switch your needs to their needs. 3. We need to focus on the hurt of someone else.
    2054 days ago
  • SURVIVOR61
    Great article, Carie! I know several people who could benefit from reading this article and they know who they are. They are always getting angry with other people and shutting them out of their life and still tell themselves that they are living a Christian life. I never could understand this. I was taught to never let the sun go down on your anger.

    I have noticed that such a person who claims to ask for forgiveness of someone can also have two faces. One that they put up for every one to see as a Christian and another for those who truly know them for they are. They are not forgiving and do not ask for forgiveness. Nor do they tolerate others mistakes. Instead they run and find make hiding places for themselves. I have never known a Christian to need a place to hide. For the Lord is my Safe Haven.

    Psalm 27King James Version (KJV)

    27 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

    2055 days ago
  • TREKPURRSON
    O Master,
    Grant that I may never seek,
    So much to be understood,
    As to understand...
    To be loved,
    As to love with all my Soul...
    Make me a channel of Your Peace!
    emoticon
    2055 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3934996
    Amen.. Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. "But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.
    God with a open heart and know that you can ask for forgiveness and then if still you are rejected then I would ask a Brother or Sister in Christ Pastor and then ask once again for forgiveness.. If this is rejected it is off my chest and They will have to answer to the only Judge I know of.. Christ Himself... I have did all I can do.. but on the other hand we are all sinners save only by Grace... and I see the little lady above me works in a Nursing Home.. I do the Ministry at the Nursing Home and some of them look so forward to our Program and we go the last Thursday of the month but go in the Wednesday before to remind them and we always have a packed house.. Love the Blog and keep on going and give Him the Glory.. In His Love and Grace Just Me emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Matthew 6:14 "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
    2055 days ago
  • DEB62BIE62
    Thanks for the blog.
    2055 days ago
  • HEALTHYGRAMMY49
    emoticon
    2055 days ago
  • CBULLIS1
    Working in a nursing home I feel I'm always thinking of how people are felling. I love my job and being there for others
    2055 days ago
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