11-9-15 (day 8)
Monday, November 09, 2015
FOCUS is the word for today for me. I slipped last night and had ice cream. My bsl showed it this morning too. BSL was great last night at bed with 89, but this morning fasting was 178. That is too high. My body is super sensitive to stuff like that. Why did I do it? Because my stupid phone kept popping up there was butter brickle ice cream at a local custard shop somewhere around me. But the app was acting wonky and wouldn't tell me which one. So when I dropped off my son at college in his town I checked the shop there and their sign was blocked so I drove into the parking lot to view it better and my hubby said TURTLE DOVE was the flavor and I stupidly rationalized that it has pecans which are protein. GRRRRRR I was in the driver seat. I had the control. No one asked for it but me. Serves me right that eating it in the dark made a HUGE mess in my car and on me like never before. Ice cream all over the seat, steering wheel, gear shift, my sweat shirt and my pants. Not to mention my face and hands. I looked like a pig. No I am not a messy eater naturally. It was pitch black and melted way more than I could see. Dumb decision that was not worth it. It was tasty, don't get me wrong, but the frustration and guilt was not worth it.
Ok, done beating myself up. All I can do is suck it up and get back on track. So FOCUS!!!!!!!!! Stop with the junk food! STAY ON TRACK!!! Ugh always fighting with food. I KNOW what is right for me and good for me I just need to keep doing it. The next time I foresee temptation is Thanksgiving. Which plans are unsure. I know I am hopping states and going to my folks. My brother lives down the street from them and is having a kitchen remodel and said maybe Thanksgiving is at his house this year instead of me cooking at mom and dads. Mom is hopping mad about this!!! I told her I didn't mind. My opinion is that if they see the work that goes into it they wont want to do it ever again. But, I need to call my brother the end of next week and see if it is at his house and let them know if it is then they can cook it and give me a year off. Not being snippy just want them to treat me for once and see what goes into it. I figure if I am ending up doing it at mom's house (which would make her so happy and the original plan for a long time) then I have a week to plan the food and such. Mom makes THE BEST pecan pie. Oh that is a real weakness of mine. That and her jello my grand dad loved. Cherry jello with cherry pie filling with marshmallows on top. HA sounds kinda ewww but it is from my childhood and I love it. Both can be made sugar free but much better when they are not and actually make me sick when they are sugar free. I wont touch them. And if I were to eat anything at Thanksgiving it would be mashed potatoes, augratin potatoes, pecan pie and mom's jello. Maybe mom's bread or rolls too (she smothers them in butter). She CAN still cook but she will sit on a stool in the kitchen and visit with me while I cook while I am there. She will have pie, bread and jello done before I get there. She has rheumatoid arthritis very very badly. Her hands and feet are disfigured and she is unable to do much. She has had them rebuilt a couple times but they still go back to disfigurement. She did get a new knee which she was so happy about because she feels 10 years younger. She was hoping for a new ankle too, but circulation issues wont allow it. I love my mom to pieces! She wasn't around when I was growing up so I have been trying to soak up each visit. Ha also have been trying to talk her down from being angry with my brother about Thanksgiving at his place lol. That is just funny to me. I see how she feels disrespected because I do it every year at her place, we all spoke of it in July when I was there- including the menu with my brother that would be at mom's. And the way my brother laid it on her was blunt and new and mom was (is) really mad. Oh well something will get figured out! I don't mind where it is or who does it. I am happy to do it. But content to not do it one year. Like I said, I suspect if they do it they will see what all goes into it and wont ever want to do it again. It just isn't their character. They just want to show off their remodeled kitchen to everyone. I get that.
My middle son takes some big teaching exam today. He told me not to text him today that the test would take all day. He really wants to pass and has been working with a tutor and everything on his own. I wished him luck and told him I would be thinking of him. I am still praying for God to heal my oldest son. And my youngest is severely struggling with middle school and the difficulty upgrade that came with it. He fell apart and had a melt down at 10 last night. We talked to him and told him if he can tell us what is tough for him we can help him prepare, talk to teachers and get him more time, help him organize himself more than he is. So he went to school early today to talk to his social studies teacher who says he has a missing assignment he has no clue what it is. He needs to make time and remember to write in his agenda his assignments and bring home everything he has done already and not done so he can get it checked or get help with it. We are going to have to talk to his teachers to get him more time for tests because he is not completing them and getting F's. I know exactly what he feels like. I did worse than he is when I was his age. Overwhelmed and drowning. I will do everything I am able to do to help him help himself.
Ok, enough blogging back to exercise. And my phone is blowing up with texts and I haven't checked it. Exercise for the purpose of helping myself! REMEMBER TO DO THAT!!!! I matter too!!!