Despite what I used to think- or others might think- getting surgery for weight loss is NOT the 'easy way'.
For one thing- it's like being forced into detox with an addiction- your emotional crutches all gone- I went into this with no real tools to deal with my emotional eating and it has been a rough ride. I've been pretty depressed going through this, and while I'm thankful and grateful daily for my gifts and for my life- that hasn't seemed to help with the depression.
And this tool, and it's a great tool don't get me wrong- the tool doesn't do everything. It doesn't force you to eat something or to not eat something else. Those are still choices.
Someone recently asked me why I didn't just start eating a few hundred calories a day since it's like suffering anyway, and avoid the surgery? Well, that would have been great. But honestly- I was broken. I broke myself, no question there. But after 50 years of being obese (yes I was actually obese as a child- not chubby) I had managed to break the way my body was supposed to work. Nothing I did short of this very drastic measure would have netted a result.
And I saw that- year after year- 45 years of dieting. I might lose a little bit- but my net result was gaining year after year. More broken.
So did surgery 'fix' my broken body? No. It drastically changed the way I absorb food- but it didn't fix me. I am one of those people who are always going to have to do this. Eat like this. No carbs ever. No 'normal' food. Restriction will be my life.
And none of us like it. I watch post after post of how hard we try to find a way to just eat the things we want- or versions of them- and not gain or maintain. How can we alter something so we can have sweets, goodies, pizza, baked goods? I understand it because I did it for all my life. And I know there are some people- fortunate people- who were not totally broken and can live that life.
I can't. I'm not bemoaning that. I'm really accepting that. And learning that for the rest of the life I have- I will be fueling my body and not my taste buds, not my desire for yummy gooey sweet or salty foods. I'll be feeding my body the way I maybe should have been feeding it all along? I don't know.
My path isn't everyone's path. For some people there may be time to go back and have a good reset of your digestive system- fix what happened. For some- your weight or health may not be a barrier to life. That just isn't my path. I thought I was a 'healthy fat person' my whole life. Until I wasn't.
I know this probably sounds depressing and I am sorry if it is- I can tell you it doesn't feel like it to me- it feels like a new beginning- a first step into the rest of my life. That is a good thing, because I have a possible life now. And six months ago- I really didn't.
February 3rd will be my 6 month anniversary of this new beginning. I'll post more then.
For now- a before surgery and 5 month photo of one change. You can't always see all the others.