What was I thinking?
Wednesday, March 09, 2016
I just read my last biog entry from 2 years ago. Boy was I feeling full of myself. It's kinda funny to look back, but kinda not so funny. What's happened with me? A whole lotta falling flat on my face.
Right after I wrote that biog entry I fell while roller skating with my kids. Very traumatic. I fell badly. I broke my wrist so badly my arm was bent, and I ended up having surgery (first of my life) to put a plate in my wrist to hold it all together. I sat on the couch for a long time, I took painkillers for a short time. I got used to being sedentary. I tried to ride my bike and couldn't hold the handle bars. It freaked me out.
Then I took a part-time job, which seemed perfect because the hours were within my kids' school days. I became a preschool teacher. Good for my wrist, I was on my hands and knees (I teach the younger ones, 3 yr olds). My wrist improved immensely. I got my flexibility back in my wrist. But the job was so physically demanding I'd get home and crash on the couch. I seriously thought that all that activity was all I would need to lose weight (I gained a lot during my sedentary stage). Silly, silly me. I also thought I had a handle on my eating, then convinced myself it didn't matter what I ate, I was gonna eat whatever I wanted. Yeah, I'm sure you can imagine how THAT worked out for me.
Then my oldest graduated HS, and moved away to college. I cut the job back even more part-time (2 days per week this year). But still so sedentary. Why? I don't even know.
Why am I back? Because I need to be here. Because tracking is what works. Because not tracking does not work. I remember saying but I don't want to track my whole life (whine, whine). Life showed me.
I was spending 2-3 hours per day on sparkpeople and it was too much. So I'm not sure how to do this so that I have balance. But I do know, I need the tracking. I need the friends. I need the motivation. I need a lot of things. Boy, I'm kinda needy, huh?
When I was so active before I lost a lot of weight, really fast. I am the statistic, I have gained it all back. But I've also learned that fast is not good, the lessons didn't sink in for me. So I'm now going to go slow. I'm not good at slow. We'll see how it all goes.
What is motivating me currently? My middle daughter is in HS now and involved in music. Particularly marching band. I volunteer with them a lot. I have walked parades and helped carry props onto fields for competition. And I have chaperoned a short trip. What have I learned? I am really out of shape. I don't like it. I'd like to keep up. Really I would. They are going to Disney World next year, and I'd like to chaperone, and I'd like to keep up.
So I have humbly returned. Hopefully changed my attitude. Trying not to be too depressed over where I am today as I know it's not helpful, but geez it's sad how little I understood.