Acceptance precedes real change....

Friday, April 01, 2016

at least it does for me. Until I have truly accepted something, I'm not really able to make a significant change. If I remain in denial about a situation that bothers me, and just willfully try to control it or manipulate it, I basically just spin my wheels, tire myself out, and annoy the crap out of myself and others. When I stop and get quiet and still, and work to really accept something as it is, I gain perspective. When I'm not continually try to deny the reality, or focus on how I thought it would be, or wish it was or think of how it used to be, then I set the stage for change. I grew up thinking acceptance was synonymous with approval. I eventually came to understand that to accept something means to see the facts, no matter how I may feel about those facts. For me, acceptance can be a messy, often uncomfortable situation. This applies across the board, to all areas of my life. I'll use weight as an example. Part of what I was doing when I chose to stay away from SP for awhile was accepting that I am 40-50 pounds over a comfortable weight right now. I accept that though I once lost 30some pounds I also regained all of that plus some. I accept that while my thyroid problems make losing weight more challenging, and my DNA does not help me, and my age and gender don't render it an easy task, and I have an eating disorder that makes losing weight more difficult, that despite all those very real factors, losing weight so I can lessen my physical burden, is not impossible. Not easy, not achieved by wanting or wishing, not granted by miracle via prayer, not bestowed upon me for being a good person, but possible nonetheless. I accept that for me to shed pounds and gain a bigger sense of physical freedom, I must make changes in how I eat, what I eat, when I eat, why I eat, and where I eat. I accept that eating in bed at night will feed my fatness. I accept that feeding myself a good breakfast with plenty of protein will make me stronger when the urge to eat in bed after a long, tiring, stressful day, comes calling. I accept that by tracking my nutrition on SP I am not seeking approval from the Calorie Counting Cops, I'm simply gathering facts to verify if I'm feeding my precious body enough of the right kind of fuel. I accept that eating like an undisciplined and unsupervised kid does my 56 year old body zero favors. I'm not getting away with anything and I carry the consequences with me, every moment, with every step. I accept that there's a large swath of society that judges me as "less than" because my weight is more than "they" deem acceptable. I accept that my response to that ignorant & judgmental attitude will serve me better if I challenge it, and refuse to perpetuate it rather than indulging in an "F you" rebellious binge. I accept that this is a struggle I have fought for decades & that that fact makes me sad and a bit regretful and sort of embarrassed. I accept that just giving up and giving in and declaring obesity the winner by knockout is just not in my fighting Irish nature. I accept that, for me, this battle is not just mental, emotional, and physical, it's primarily spiritual in nature. God won't strike me slender because I pray my ass off but God will provide me strength to overcome the weaker part of my nature that turns to gluttony as false comfort. I accept that taking good care of myself is my first priority because no one benefits from me mistreating or neglecting myself. And finally, I accept that working my way out of obesity and disorderly eating is not as easy as I want it to be but not as difficult as I fear it will be.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    WHAT a fabulous blog!! Acceptance doesn't equal approval, and praying my ass over never worked either.

    You get this completely. And now: you want to lose it. No kidding. And you can.

    (The Beck Diet Solution has provided a lot of practical support to a lot of people here . . . Dr. Judith S. Beck, pink book. And there is a Beck team . . . )
    1825 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    I was 56 when I had my turnaround. I had accepted for awhile before that that I wasn't willing to do much of anything about my compulsive eating. I was so tired of not having more than a day or two of sane eating and fighting it. I didn't know what was going to change that. But finally, something did trip the switch and I saw that if I didn't do something significant- I knew it would not be a traditional diet-, and say no when it was hard, not just during the "honeymoon," as I had always done before, I was going to binge for the rest of my life. I finally could not stand the idea that I would spend my last decades doing what I had done so often for the previous 38 years. Having that motivation made all the difference. But there was a bit of an element of luck that things all came together then.

    Warmest wishes for things coming together for you soon. You so deserve to put this issue in its place in your life. emoticon
    1825 days ago
    Great blog, I too have prayed my ass off to God and Jesus and anyone else who would listen, but my ass just stayed big. What I realize is that the power to take off weight has to come from inside of myself, and this is acceptance to take full responsibility for what and how much I eat, nobody else can do it for me. You said it real well in your blog Cannie. emoticon .
    1872 days ago
    Way to go!
    Never give up.

    1889 days ago
    I think you should re-read this blog every time you start to feel down again! I kept finding parts I wanted to quote to say I loved them. There's so much good in here. (cue the music) This is [your] fight song!
    1891 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13562405
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can.....and the wisdom to know the difference. Works for me.

    Great blog, Cannie. emoticon
    1895 days ago
    Great blog...great replies!
    You are in good company here...many real warriors are here, who are bad ass and strong and determined no matter where they have gone, whatever was in the past, they will not let "it" win! It's a crusade that can be conquered and won! We are a tribe! Please, join me!
    1898 days ago
  • TEMPEST272002
    Great blog Cannie. I've only recently learned the "acceptance does not equal approval" lesson myself. It sounds like you are fully prepared to move forward. Don't be embarrassed because this has been a life long struggle. You are in the company of many amazing people who are engaged in the same struggle.
    1899 days ago
    How could you not win this battle? Even my fat is running scared after reading this! emoticon
    Yes, it's messy, and a bit scary but this is Easter season and the big message is, as you've stated...."fear not!" God knows you love a good fight, He'd never deny you this important challenge because he wired you to kick-arse and conquer. All those challenges are part of the greatness of it and with grace there is nothing that cannot be accomplished. emoticon
    1899 days ago
    You said something very important—and I think MANY people have this misconception – I did, too! That is, acceptance is NOT synonymous with approval. It is exactly as you say – seeing the FACTS of the situation. IT IS messy! It IS uncomfortable. But that’s part of change, isn’t it. DANG. So hard!

    It is that way with ANY challenge in life. We do not want to identify challenges in ourselves because, well, it’s admitting “imperfection”. This type A had to GET OVER IT. Life is NOT perfect, and never will be. BUT we can still move forwared!

    Oh honey, got that Irish in me, too, and we’re FIGHTERS – oh yeah!!! Sign me UP for the debate team to fight!

    YES YES YES. As we work our way down the path we DO find it is NOT easy, but it is not often as difficult as we imagined it to be.

    Fabulous blog.

    1899 days ago
  • FITNIK2020
    You conclude with a very good point and I like the idea of "working my way out of obesity ". You are in a good frame of mind to begin and that is an accomplishment. Here you will find tools to make it easier.
    1899 days ago
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