The Girl Who Cried Wolf...

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

I feel like the girl who cried wolf.

Do you ever feel like you make a ton of promises to yourself and others and fail to follow through...every time? That's how I feel. How many times have I sat here over the last 6 years promising that this was the time...that this was the day I began my healthy life? I'd have to say well over 100 times. I have promised myself, my Sparkfriends, my family, Facebook, Instagram...and yet here I am..still 287 pounds...still on the struggle bus. Well guess what my friends, this journey towards health after 29 years of unhealthy eating habits is NOT easy. I have a food addiction which like any addiction is NOT easy to deal with. I am not going to be fake with you. I am not going to sit here and pretend to be perfect. This is MY journey and unfortunately my journey is not a direct path to One-derland. I have had many pitstops, exit ramps, detours, and dead ends. But I am not going to give up! I would rather be known as the girl who struggled for 6 plus years only to end up succeeding then being that fake person who pretends everything is sunshine and rainbows!!

This morning, I stumbled across a Gab Sesh that Jen Widerstrom had posted last night. I'm not sure if you all know who she is but she is the new female trainer on The Biggest Loser and I just love her! I'm not a huge fan of TBL due to unhealthy and unsustainable habits but they make it quite clear that it is a competition and the break through's along the way are still real! Anyways, this past season was the first season I watched from beginning to end and I really loved the type of trainer and coach Jen was so I have been following her on Insta and FB. Well this morning I watched her video and she gave some great advice for losing weight. One thing she made clear was that consistancy is really important. She said to be consistant with 3 main things:

1. 50-70 ounces of water CONSISTANTLY every day.
2. Walk 20 minutes after lunch.
3. Do not combine carbs and fats. Use one or the other as the source of fuel.

I found these really great tips and I decided to dedicate this week to trying the first 2. I would like to try the third tip eventually but another thing Jen stated was not to go too hard too fast which I have a tendency of doing so many times! I am currently on my 3rd bottle of water...dealing with caffeine withdrawal...And powering through because I am worth the effort!

SO this morning I weighed myself, took measurements, and some pictures. I am going to share ALL of them with you! I'm done being ashamed! This is who I am! This is me on May 10th, 2016! I am sharing my struggles in the hopes that one day I can share the celebrations! So here are my numbers:

Weight: 287
- Waist: 48 in.
- Belly: 57 in.
- Hips: 55 in.
- Left Arm: 16.5 in.
- Right Thigh: 25 in.
- Right Calf: 18 in.
- Bust: 50 in.

Here are the before pictures I took this morning as well: (Not pretty but HONEST!) Don't mind my messy house or sleepy face! I was super exhausted this morning!

The last few days I have felt so worthless and so depressed. I couldn't understand how I could have such an amazing husband or great friends because how can they stand being around me. I have been disgusted with myself...this is not how I want to feel about myself! I hate putting myself down...I hate berating myself to myself and others...I am tired of feeling sick...I want to try again. Will I fail? Maybe...but I'm not going to give up on myself. I will fight and fight to beat this addiction...I hope you all continue to follow me on my continuous curvy journey forward!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are not alone. I am with you on the struggle bus. We will get off soon. Keep your head up and keep moving.
    1853 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15565988
    1855 days ago
    Zana, I love how you put yourself out there being true and real. A lot of times that is very difficult for people to do. But you have not failed. It may seem like it but one big reason why you have not failed is you keep picking yourself back up. You keep coming back to what you want instead of letting it all slip out of control.

    You will get there, I promise! Just keep picking yourself back up, dust yourself off, and move forward. Never look back!

    1856 days ago
    Love your blog post... what is the reasoning behind the 3. . Do not combine carbs and fats. Use one or the other as the source of fuel. ???? I ask this because this is something new I have not tried. Really puts a switch in the meal planning but so do-able.

    1858 days ago
    Awe Zana! I feel the same way most times! I was sidelined from the Diamonds because I was not doing what I promised and felt like crap about myself! You sound so much like me! But we will keep on going no matter how many times we fall! We will get up and try again! We can do it!! You are beautiful inside and out, and you are an amazing person! That is why your family loves you! One step at a time my friend! Yesterday was my birthday so I went off the rails a little but am back on the train again this morning! You can do it! I believe in you!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1858 days ago
    You have such an amazing husband and friends because YOU ARE AMAZING!

    And your health and well-being are worth your efforts. It's not a race. Consistency is HUGE. Small steps, executed consistently can reap huge benefits in your life. And, water is pretty darn wonderful!

    Happy to see you taking care of you. We're here with you. emoticon
    1858 days ago
    You are a very worthwhile person and we adore you. You can do this. We're here for you!
    1858 days ago
    I follow you on Instagram and have a little suggestion. I hope you don't mind me posting it here. You need to add more fruits and vegetables to your lunches. Way more. They're low calorie and add fiber and fill you up. I don't mean make all your meals salads, but add a plain veggie of some variety to your lunches. Sliced bell peppers, cucumbers, baby carrots, steamed green beans, whatever. They'll keep you full and make you feel like you're eating more without adding a ton of extra calories.
    1859 days ago
    I don't think I could do carbs without fat unless they were fruits. I don't like veggies without a little oil or butter. That are not that good plain.

    Remember - Just because you are not perfect does not mean you are a failure. Set small goals and celebrate small victories. Good luck!
    1859 days ago
  • CHANCE04
    I really appreciated this blog. Rock it out!!
    1859 days ago
    It's all about the self-control. Saying no. Hell, screaming no if it helps. It's not an easy thing to do, not at first. The more you say it though to those late nights snacks, to those extra servings at meal times, and to the voices saying "nah, don't exercise, just keep relaxing instead", it gets easier. I'm sending you "rockstar" vibes, hope you manage a few good days in the week ahead!!!
    1859 days ago
  • NMUTT71
    Being honest with yourself and owning your own choices, good or bad, is a very important step. I know how you feel as I have struggled all of my life with the same feelings. I have lost and gained on the yo-yo rollercoaster ride of weight and this time around I found Spark and I am committed to loving myself no matter what.
    You can do it too. We can do it together. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1859 days ago
    The great thing about Spark People is that it's not just one-size-fits-all and one nutrition plan for everyone, it's whatever works best for you. You keep continuing on your journey to become the healthiest you can be and you will find what works for you.
    1859 days ago
    You have got this! The journey is ever winding, but you know the way!
    1859 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    You CAN do this! If you need an accountability partner or anything let me know! This isn't an easy journey, but if it's what we really want only we can do it. We have to be the ones to put in the hard work & be determined. (I have been back at it since Dec, and still struggle some days). We just have to keep pushing! Always remember it doesn't matter how many times you fall down, what matters is that you get back up! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1859 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15724029
    Don't give up on you or what you want!! You can't fail- maybe fall, but nothing you can do towards your health and happiness is a " failure"!! Do one thing today- food choices, exercise, whatever, just one little step towards your goal and know that a lot of people here are behind you!!
    In fact, you already have started with this very honest blog,taking and recording your measurements, posting before pics, and having a plan!! Well done! You can do this!! emoticon

    PS- I've never taken before pics, so there won't be after pics either!!
    1859 days ago
    I definitely feel that way sometimes. Sometimes even consistently TRYING is better than not trying at all or giving up, so it's progress even if it doesn't feel like it. I think it's great that you took before pictures and stats and have two very realistic and helpful goals for the week! Remember that you can do this!
    1859 days ago
    Awesome!! You only fail, when you give up!!! So, the better way to look at it, is, "Will you FALL?" The answer is YES!! But, as long as you never give up, you cannot fail.
    1859 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13070766
    The amount of times that you fall are not important, the amount of times that you get up are! Keeping pushing through, don't give in or up...learn to love you so much that success becomes your only option. Know that your not on this journey alone. ðŸ
    1859 days ago
    Beautifully said!!! Your honesty is refreshing and inpirational!!! You can do this!!!!
    1859 days ago
  • CHERYL4808
    You've got the Spark!!
    1859 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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