HWNHMMBRD
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LIFE AND DEATH

Monday, May 30, 2016

Once again, I have let life keep me from taking care of myself. I can make a ton of excuses, list all the reasons, but it really just comes down to making time for me.

Good things that have happened:
My mom bought a car in January. We haven't had a vehicle of our own for about 4 years. We did have access to one that we could borrow, but it meant we really had to plan. My mom went in to see her doctor for severe abdominal pain, and she was told to go to the emergency room for diagnostic tests. She had to pay just over $80 for the taxi ride because there was no one available to drive her, and it was not emergent enough that her insurance would have covered the cost of an ambulance. She swore she wouldn't feel that helpless again.
My son finally got a job at the end of January. He had been putting in applications for 8 months with no luck. He is working for a distribution company in their warehouse. We usually drop him off and pick him up because it is in an industrial area and the closest bus stop is a mile and a half away. (Good thing we have a car now.)
My youngest cousin on my mom's side came to visit us for three weeks. I have had a ball trying to show her as much of the Island as possible while she is here.
My friend who was renting a room from us has finally moved out. It was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, to help him get back on his feet, but it stretched out to almost 4 years. I have finally been able to move my son out of the living room after a year.

Bad things that have happen:
When my friend moved out, I found out how much of a pig he was. It took me 5 days, three of them after getting off work at 11:30 pm to get the room clean. There was a layer of dust is some areas that was thick enough to clog my vacuum cleaner. I had to wash down all the walls, vacuum and wipe down everything in the two book shelves, vacuum and deep clean the carpets, and that was after I made him get rid of 5 bags of trash!
My work schedule has been all over the place. I have been working crazy shifts covering other peoples vacations.
Nobody in my house has really been cooking. With all that has been going on, I haven't been able to plan out meals or even take the time actually cook them.
I haven't been to the gym since late January/early February. I really miss it. I was trying to stay active in other ways, but I haven't done any strength training.
I drowned my phone at the beach. I hadn't rechecked the integrity of my waterproof phone case and went swimming with it.
The worse thing that has happened is my sweet Pebbles was hit by a car and killed. She had broken off her collar, broken through the gate, and escaped from our fenced area when we took my cousin out for the day. We came home and found her on the side of the road. It was really hard on all of us. My son felt guilty and blamed himself because he did not put her in her harness before he put her on the tie out line. I felt guilty because I did not want her in the house with no one home because she goes potty on my carpet and chews my things. My cousin felt guilty because we were out showing her around. She was finally losing her shyness and fear around my dad and had actually jumped into bed with him and my mom one day. We buried her in a friend's yard. (We don't have one, just the communal area of the complex)
I am trying to take things day by day, and focus on getting back into a routine. My cousin leaves on Wednesday and my schedule should be back to a more normal pattern and hours. As for a new fur-baby, my family needs time. I need to feel like any new dog that comes into my home has a truly safe place to live, and I don't have to worry about them breaking out.
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