Being honest

Thursday, July 07, 2016

Posted yesterday on Facebook ****Initially I didn't like this picture because I am not at a weight that I am really proud of at the moment. But I love it because my daughter is looking up at me and it made me realize that this is exactly how I want her to grow up...looking up to me. I've struggled w my weight my whole life, I can say food has been my security blanket in helping me nurture the wounds of rejection I've endured. I was always the quiet shy girl because growing up I was picked on and I learned to keep people always at a distance. I don't want my girls to suffer through this same predicament. I will be 34 years old and till a few weeks ago I was brave enough to wear a bathing suit, I was waiting to reach my goal weight. Kind of ridiculous because its like I wasn't allowed to live UNTIL I was a "normal size". I realize that if I want them to learn to respect their body, love their body and have a positive relationship w food then I'm gonna have to show them the way. I will reach my goal weight but for now I will dance my plus size ass off!******

I know that not everyone wants to post their personal business out there, especially something so personal like weight loss, I know I don't. I learned to wear a mask of deception, smiling all while dying on the inside. I've always posted pictures at a flattering angle of myself, especially in these last couple of years were my weight has been steadily going up again. I decided to post this yesterday because I wanted to be real, I'm tired of trying to fake like I'm ok and I'm tired of not being accepting of who I am right now even though I know I'm in for a change. I've struggled with this, it's a daily battle of trying to fight off the labels imposed on me while growing up. I posted this because I want to help someone sigh with relief knowing that they are not alone. With our new digital era where people post only the best, it has most of us feeling as if we are lacking and it's honestly down right depressing. My world crumbled about 7 years ago with divorce after being on SP for almost 2 years and losing 85 pounds. I've never lost hope that I one day will reach my goal weight. It's been many days of tears and beating myself up but I feel like it's finally time to be BOLD! I am learning to forgive myself for all these years I've wasted and understand that it's all been a process preparing me for this time in my life. I'm forgiving myself for crumbling. I want you all to know that I know and feel your pain if you are in a process like this as well. It's been difficult but I'm still alive and I still have time to change. It starts with loving the body I have RIGHT NOW! Thank you for your kind words! Much love! Keep the faith my Warrior Queens! Keep Fighting! emoticon
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