BITTERBLONDE
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Life changes mean I will put me first

Wednesday, August 03, 2016

Wow, it's been a ride. I'm still in a fog. My mother recently passed in June and I had been consumed with her care as well as trying to take care of my own 2 kids and husband for the past few years. Before that, it was my Dad, who passed of cancer in 2010. So all in all, I have been taking care of a lot of other people for the past 12 years......now....it's just my hubby and 1 teenage son, since my oldest is going to college. I feel lost, really lost, like i don't know what to do with myself so I just sit here and stare at the wall. I honestly don't know how to put me first. Sounds dumb,right? I was put on a high dose of antidepressant a year ago and the scale is creeping forward even more, but at this point in my life I cannot see myself without it. Discouraged and defeated is how to put it mildly. I have no direction but I need to find me again. I used to like me......I'd like to like me again. With that being said, I turn again to my Sparkpeople. I know there is the support I need here and all the tools at my fingertips. I need you....I need you all. I simply cannot do this on my own. So, here I go......starting my journey. I hope some of you will walk with me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • SPARKLE-IT
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your parents. Mine both died years ago, but I feel their spirit with me through God and one day we'll be reunited. I don't know your beliefs, but for me it's God and He's the one constant in my life for both good and bad times. Always with me and has never failed me. Always getting me through the darkest valley just to find many treasures and be made stronger for the next valley that comes.

    Even through my healthy lifestyle journey, it's God who helps me to eat healthy and He wants me exercising too, but I'm still butting heads with Him on that. I'm so stubborn as I know He only wants what's best for me and everyone knows how beneficial exercise is so why do I fight? Haven't figured it out yet, but I can and I will.

    I like WOUBBIE's reply to you. Give yourself time to find yourself again. You can and you will. God bless you!
    741 days ago
  • WOUBBIE
    One step at a time. You're dealing with several roles at once changing. You're still a daughter, but not on call to help an ailing parent. You're still a parent, but not on call for them as often as you used to be.

    The "you" that you were before your kids and before your parents' illnesses is still in there, but she's been sitting in a rocker in the back corner of your mind. Give it some time, talk to her, find out if she still likes the things she did 20 years ago, and what she likes today that never used to interest her.

    Give it time and keep an open mind!
    1467 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/5/2016 5:54:39 PM
  • 68ANNE
    I went through this when I left home just before my divorce. I listened to the radio a lot because I did not like what my brain was saying. It took a bunch of talking nice to myself and working on loving me. I cleaned house (actually an apartment but...) and took up dancing at the local bar, then karaoke and found things I like.
    1469 days ago
  • BITTERBLONDE
    Oh, and I work full time during the year as a teachers assistant.
    1470 days ago
  • WASU132
    Take a breath. Your life is before you. Get out. Volunteer at something that interests you. Take walks somewhere pleasant. Consult your Dr abt what your feeling. Antidepressants are only part of a solution. Dr could refer you to a professional.
    1470 days ago
  • WHITEANGEL4
    Get up, get out, join some local groups, you can join a group like meals om wheels, etc. Met new people., join the Y
    1470 days ago
  • BECCAJ98
    Learning to love yourself again is a very hard thing, and one I have struggled with for years. But once I found something I love, and my husband can share with me, I have found the journey is much more enjoyable. For me, it's hiking.
    1470 days ago
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