The Best Is Yet To Come
Friday, September 16, 2016
It's late on a Thursday night. Technically it's Friday, September.16 as I write this. I used to be on here a long time ago but my life looked very different then in many ways. A lot happened to change my family. My father and brother both died within the same year, my husband and I separated, I went through multiple miscarriages, a career change, and moved. I somehow managed to quit smoking through everything that was happening, but unfortunately gained a lot of weight at the same time. My highest weight was 323 lbs. I am currently hovering around 274 lbs-276 lbs and on days with too much sodium or during my TOM I'm closer to 280 lbs. So.... I have lost almost 50 lbs and would like to lose at least another 100 lbs.
Last winter I met someone new and he just moved in with me a couple of weeks ago. He is a wonderful man who makes me feel alive again. I know that he will want to have a family some day. We've talked about it. It is one of the things that was a constant issue in my previous relationship and why I am now getting a divorce. I wanted to keep trying and he didn't. The truth was he never really wanted to have kids. My new love does and I'm scared that I won't be able to give him children, but I know that I need to take control of the parts of my health that I am able to and try when the time comes. What is meant to be will be. For now we are in love and we are helping each other to love ourselves more in the process. Our relationship is one of the good things that I have right now.
I was recently working for an Insurance company under contract for a year, but the contract was cut short. Right now I don't have a job and it's a bit scary as I am so used to being independent and taking care of myself. I had been living on my own paying all of my own bills for the past few years. Now I am suddenly in this new relationship living with someone and having to accept us being a team and partnership with faith and trust. I am waiting for my application for EI to be approved and hopefully will find a new job soon. The economy right now isn't the greatest. I am also an artist and working harder towards selling my artwork as supplemental income down the road.
In many ways my life is very blessed. I have a great relationship, many wonderful, loving friends, help and support, laughter and entertainment, great food (too much of it obviously), a warm bed to sleep in, and the ability to write this blog on a computer. I need to love myself more and that means taking better care of my health. It isn't just about a number on the scale. It is about respect for my body, mind, and soul. It is about feeling confident, sexy, strong, and beautiful for myself. It is about loving myself and having energy for life. For family, for travel, for hobbies, for loving my man and my friends. It is about spiritual cleansing and feeling free from addictions. It is about time.
My first mini goal is to lose 20lbs by Halloween. More specifically, October.29 which is the day I will be attending a Halloween party with my new boyfriend and all of his friends. I'd like to feel better about myself. I won't be where I want to be yet, but it will definitely be a step in the right direction. Plus, it will put me back to the weight I was before I quit smoking which has been a big goal of mine for awhile.
So, I am back here again with a new chapter or rather a whole new book in front of me. I want the story to be different this time too and that means changes need to be made. I know I can do this and I know I deserve it. I'm tired of the effect everything has had on me and tired of letting it control me. I know I've been through a lot, but I'm still here and the best is yet to come!