Big Fat Zero
Monday, June 26, 2017
Today's my weekly measurement day, and the title refers to this week's results. I didn't note any change in my measurements at all this morning. Days like today remind me why I'm not able to handle weigh-ins. Working hard all week and seeing no change is incredibly frustrating.
I still need to lose at least another .5" off my waist to meet my original goal. Now that I'm closer to that number (24" waist), I can see that I'm probably going to need to keep pushing after reaching that goal. When I was heavier (I was a size 10 in 2011), I thought that my current size (~US 4) was slim. Despite being currently being on the smaller end of my adult size/weight spectrum, I still have a significant amount of visible fat still on me.
I don't even want to know my weight because the number is almost guaranteed to disgust me. As an athletic teen, my lean body mass was 86 lbs (99lbs total and 13.5% body fat). Generously assuming that my lean body mass is now 92lbs, that would put my ideal weight at about 115lbs (20% body fat) or less. To the best of my knowledge, I've never been under 125lbs as an adult. I completely stopped weighing myself several years ago because it was extremely depressing to be borderline overweight (an embarrassing 140ish lbs at not quite 5"4") despite working out everyday and restricting my eating. Even after 5 months of consistent exercise and restricted calories and carbs, I still can't face my weight because I fear that I'll learn that I need to lose another 20 or more pounds to achieve an ideal body fat percentage, and I've struggled to just to get to this point. I'm beginning to accept that I may never be comfortable seeing my weight again.