I had my two year check up a couple of weeks ago. I was disappointed because I am not at the goal weight I set for myself- and I have bounced back up a few pounds from my lowest a year ago. I will say that I'm stubborn- no big surprise to anyone who knows me- but I do not feel like I'm ready to stop trying to get to my goal. So I will not stop trying yet.
The last two years have honestly been THE hardest two consecutive years of my life. Health, money, family, family health, work, home...you name it- it's been a nightmare. I haven't wanted to post here- I haven't even wanted to be here except that I have a core support of my spark friends and team mates here (you know who you are) that I cannot live without. Even when I don't tell you- you give me hope every day.
So my Dr. did chastise me a little bit about being so obsessed with the number and told me to "go and be happy". Which is hard for me to do. But for my 2 year- I'm going to list positives and not negatives:
1. I weigh less than I did even in high school
2. I have lost 50% of my body weight which my Dr. says is not usual for anyone
3. I have 'maintained' within 10 pounds for an entire year- something I have NEVER done before.
4. I can buy clothing in 'normal' stores now- anywhere I go. I'm wearing between a 12-16 on bottom and 14-18 on top depending on the cut.
5. My health is still good- no diabetes returning, no high blood pressure- no serious issues. My back isn't 100% and I've had a shoulder issue the past month or so but- all in all I'm 360 degrees where I was 2 years ago.
6. I can fit anyplace- concert halls, movie seats, booths, airplanes. I have flown ALONE in the past year- another thing I have never done before.
7. I can walk. No more scooter, no more walker, no more limitations. I was fortunate that a friend took me to Scotland in May and I walked and walked and walked. Miles. Up hills. I was amazed and the whole time the song from Wicked played through my head... "I'm limited...I'm limited..." because I have ALWAYS felt limited- and now I don't.
8. I can now take care of my family- in the past my mom and husband had to do EVERYTHING for me- cook, laundry, lawn work, painting, whatever. I was too 'limited'. Now- I can do it- and while sometimes I over-do a little, it feels good to be capable.
9. I'm learning how to take care of myself. I am learning how to say 'no' to people- how to put me first, how to put my peace of mind and sanity first. I'm learning some balance- and I've never had balance before. I think sometimes it makes me less of a good friend here- and in the real world- and it still feels selfish. But I have learned I really do have limits, and I'm trying to respect them.
I'm writing all this for me- it's a reminder to me. If anyone else is reading- thank you for taking the time to do so.
Me in 2011 with spark friend
Me in May 2017 in Scotland