MERICANDO
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That Magical Number - Everyone Has One

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

I’m close, very close to that “magical” number of 169. Why is 169 so important? It is a number I haven’t seen in years, and it puts me within 10# of goal. So, why is it when I get close to that number, I get off track and start sabotaging myself? What is it that makes us fearful of meeting our final goal? What takes place in our minds that gets us off track and back into all those unhealthy habits, eating to much, moving too little? Before I went on our annual girls’ trip, I was within .8 in hitting that 169. I was hoping to maintain, but gained a couple of pounds. Some of that was too much salty stuff and Mon. I was down a pound. On my way to 169 this week. Wrong-All I did was eat, snack, sit. What happened, why did I do that to myself? Plus, I felt miserable all day.
I am not alone in this cycle. I think in some ways, the weight is our friend and we don’t want to give up our friend. This friend, protects us, gives us excuses for not doing things, going places. I have a love/hate relationship with my weight. It’s been part of my life since I was a teen. Up and down the scale. I hate the weight, I hate the way it makes me feel, but I love the way it is a comfort, protects me, lets me eat whatever I want without feeling guilt, it makes me happy and I don’t have to face the reasons I overeat. The “fat” 13-year-old girl is still inside. In my mind’s eye, the slim 16-25 yr old is only found in pics. Up and down the yo-yo string has been a way of life.
However, I look in my closet, all the clothes I was wearing when I started the 5% challenges are gone. Replaced with smaller sizes. Shopping was a joy last week, found so many great bargains on some really pretty things, everything I tried on fit. So, I ask myself again, “when will you realize your comfort is not in food?” You would think at 67, I would have learned that lesson. As a Christian, I know my true comfort and peace is in Christ. That food is a poor substitute.
So today, I am ditching that old friend, the one that is not good for me or my health. That fake comfort that tells me it’s o.k. to eat 5 truffles, a large orange scone, a chocolate donut and peanut butter out of the jar. It is only temporary, by bedtime, that comfort, has turned into a big lump, and left me drained, still craving something to eat. That old friend does not satisfy and doesn’t fill that big hole.
So today, I am putting on one of my new smaller tops, reinforce myself with praise and worship music, get some exercise in and be Thankful for the true friends, both the ones that I do life with here and my Clover friends. Most of all Thankful for the One who brings true peace and comfort.
Blessings Meri
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 3VEGGIES
    I too can relate and did this with the 5% goal. Thought I had it, made exceptions to my plan and am now in “rewind” mode. Great blog! You can do this. So can we all. emoticon emoticon
    982 days ago
  • IAMAUNTYEM
    Good blog, Meri. I call it, Shooting myself in the Foot. . . . . Like Diana, I was slim 'till 50, and here I am, still not slim.
    Wearing those new clothes should help a lot; hard work will win out!

    emoticon
    983 days ago
  • CHANGE4THEBEST

    emoticon emoticon and emoticon for the emoticon you have achieved through emoticon emoticon emoticon and emoticon healthy.
    I can totally relate to your blog and I too have caved in for emoticon emoticon emoticon ' a moment on the lips is a life time on the hips' and the flip side is 'nothing taste as good as being slim feels' Your in the moment, hang in there, you've got this and emoticon
    Just a few more steps to collect what is waiting for you....
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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    985 days ago
  • CURRY56
    No truer words spoken. Can so much relate. Even when I loose one week I struggle the next week like I should not of done that. Good for you and you will be able to complete that goal. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    987 days ago
  • MARYGOLD5
    Great blog. I can relate to what you are saying. With me, I get to thinking I'm not really that big and I should be able to enjoy more of my favorite foods, but I know if I do, the weight will gradually creep back up. I'm learning that I can enjoy having just a small portion if I eat slowly. I have a lot of yo-yoing especially in the last few years. emoticon emoticon
    987 days ago
  • SEWINGMAMACDS
    Meri - emoticon I could have written this - though I am no where near goal. I get close to the "tens" mark ie 260, 250 etc. and my body "freezes" and I can't get passed it. Thanks so much for sharing.
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    988 days ago
  • DESKJOCKEY925
    Meri, I agree ... I, too, have this self-sabotage going on.
    If you figure it out, emoticon let me know !!!

    I was never overweight until I hit 50.
    I have to keep a handle on my portions and just recognize that my metabolism doesn't support burning that amount of calories anymore. For sure, it is mind over matter.

    emoticon emoticon
    988 days ago
  • DNJOYS
    Good insights. I have to admit there is a part of me (that is quiet and stays mostly out of sight) that is afraid of being thin. I already have pain issues that aren't physically visible (like a broken leg would be), along with social anxieties that go back to childhood. Sometimes my weight IS my protection and my excuse to avoid situations I can't handle.

    I've recently started trying to tell myself that it's okay to say no without giving a reason or being understood. That's hard for me. Being understood and accepted anyway has been a primary need in me. I need to find a way to let that go and be me without explanations. I can do the things I choose and want to do and say no to things I'm not ready for, even if that means being misunderstood or not meeting expectations of others. When I've learned that, I won't need weight to hide behind.

    I'm not anywhere near goal and my biggest obstacle right now is that food is one of the few things that makes me feel better in the short term when I rarely feel "good." But I know that destructive friend you described is lurking in one of my closets.
    988 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/22/2017 1:53:15 AM
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