Friday, April 13, 2018

Just wondering if anyone has had a problem with authorizing an adult child with a POA (Power of Attorney) for your financial affairs. We are in our early and late 70's and are fully capable of taking care of our affairs.

Adult child thinks they are entitled to speak with our trusted financial advisor and find out what we are invested in, their fees and annuity structures.

This has been a point of contention for the last couple of weeks. Our legal documents, Trust or Wills are not finalized yet, and if adult child is insistent their 50% could drop to 0% and their kids would get everything.

Just want a unbiased take on our situation.
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    They should not be checking into your financial affairs with POA. It should be they will make financial decisions for you AFTER you and your husband are incapacitated. Right now you are in charge of your own dealings. Talk to your financial advisor about this and let them know the child is not in charge, you are. They should not reveal your financial picture to your child. A Power of Attorney does not give someone "power" over you.
    1199 days ago
    The son I would prefer to be the executor of my estate and have POA when needed no longer lives on Guam. My second son will be the executor. He had me go to a friend of his who is a lawyer who read my will and said he did not see where any changes were needed as my second son was listed if the first was unable to. My second son has pushed me to get my mortgage and other bills paid off so he does not have to deal with them. The mortgage is the only one I have. I do have him on my checking and savings accounts as a back up. He knows I have an IRA that he and his brothers will inherit upon my death. I have also allotted a % of the IRA to go to my estate so the executor does not have to take out of his pocket. He has not asked how much $ there is and would be just as happy if there was enough to take care of any bills, etc. after my demise as long as I do not leave expenses for my sons to have to deal with from their pockets.

    No, your son does not need to know and perhaps you need to change who will step up when the time comes as he seems to be making a grab of what is not his.

    Jane on Guam
    1199 days ago
  • JAMER123
    With our trust we just set up, our eldest son has POA. There is a will within the trust that is needed for extra measure. Our son has been told he has POA on both property and health but the spouse has first say in everything. He is very much dependable and his siblings do agree. I have POA for my mom still living and she takes me to her meetings with the lawyers and financial advisors. I know her estate well and hope we don't have to use the POA on the estate. I have used Heathcare POA several times with no problems.

    You need to know you can trust the individual you give the power to but that person can not do anything without your say so unless you can't do it yourself. You have a lot of good advice here. Hope you can work it out. Good luck!
    1199 days ago
  • DEE107
    took dad to an estate lawyer I am his POA and cant do anything that dad doesnt want
    1199 days ago
    I don't have kids. I set up a trust and designated a close family member (brother) for power of attorney if I am incapacitated. Another trusted family member (sister) is designated to make medical decisions if I am incapacitated (my advance directive is very clear). Neither one has asked to see any of my information, other than to know where my information is stored for access in the event of an emergency (in my safe in home, with a copy on file with my attorney)

    I didn't want to set up a trust or POA or advance directive. But a close friend died suddenly, without updating her POA/will -- and she named me as in executor of her estate. She named me (without my knowledge) when her daughter was aged 13 -- her daughter is now in her 30s and perfectly competent. So I realized I needed to update my will and set up my affairs -- and to KEEP it updated. I'm 67 and intend to be around for a while, but I have friends who had to make tough decisions.

    I would not allow anyone to review my finances, particularly not someone who is in my will! And I think you need to select a family member or other person that you TRUST to be your designated POA.
    1200 days ago
    We don't have any children but we have a trust set up. It was explained to us and made more sense then a will. We meet with our lawyer every other year, but we are on a plan that the make updates as needed as the laws change to our trust, If need be they will meet with us more often.

    We have our financial planner ( the company) for our POA for fiances, it made more sense because we have no family in the area and we didn't want to put the responsibility on a family member. They are responsible to pay bill and make sure we are cared for monetarily. if were to be unable to make decisions for our selves.

    Mr brother and my DH's brother both have POA for medical decisions.

    1200 days ago
    Talk to an estate attorney, usually they recommend a trust rather than a will. I have given a Durable POA for one of my kids, but he doesn't know it. Once you lose mental capacity, it's too late to execute a POA, but until that time why would your son need to know? Mom's trust (and mine and my husband) has a provision that if I have two letters from her physicians that she is incompetent (rather than going to court to have her declared incompetent, a step with big ramifications and expense) I can act as her trustee, and I am doing that now. She has dementia and no longer knows what a bill is, let alone be able to pay it. I can understand your son's concern, but the point of understanding Mom's situation (and my MIL's 20 years ago) was to be sure she was in a position to pay for her care for as long as needed, not to preserve an inheritance. Social Security and Medicare don't accept POAs of any kind, you have to fill out special forms for each of those. I got Mom to fill those out when I saw her start to fail. Without that form on file, I can't even ask Medicare about a problem with billing. It's worth the few hundred dollars to talk to an attorney, he can help you sort it out now, while you can. No one anticipates loss of mental capacity, and by the time it happens, it's too late.
    1200 days ago
  • -JAMES-
    I think a will should be good enough. My parents wills were each giving their assets to each other should one of them die. Only if both of them died was I getting anything at that point.

    My mother got terminal cancer and died about 6 months later and everything was in my father's name. I carefully approached him on "Enduring Power of Attorney".

    I never approached, or felt entitled to approach financial advisors of their's to find out about investments in any way. To me that is prying into private issues in some effort to take control. I only approached him on the power of attorney issue because I thought he was feeling overwhelmed on all the issues and watching what was going on. My mother had always managed those things, and he never wanted to be much involved.

    He always told me not to worry about money and said things like "The Lord will provide", but in reality it was my mother's management that was doing the providing, and he was oblivious about most of the investments. His pension alone was enough that he never had to worry about one month to the next. The investments were something extra and more than he needed.

    Gut feel, ... keep your child in your will at this point, talk with your financial advisor and tell them that your child is not entitled to discuss your private finances with anyone but you two, have your wills alone cover the scenarios.

    You are adults, you are alive and of sound mind, and just because they are your children does not give them special privilege to act with power over you. You can always revisit your wills in 2 or 3 years. Yes it costs money to do that, but making a decision you are uncomfortable with right now costs in other ways.

    I'm happy to chat via spark mail which I read daily.

    1200 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/13/2018 11:00:16 PM
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