Mother's Day Joys and Challenges
Sunday, May 13, 2018
I survived my first Mother's Day without my mom. As I have mentioned before, she passed last summer and I was dreading today. I will admit that the 6am tossing and turning while unhappy thoughts tore through my head was not the way I wanted to start the day. But it got better. I napped on and off today. It was storming and my daughter was at work so I had no real reason to get up.
My DH and I were planning on meeting our daughter for dinner. I don't know what possessed me to choose Olive Garden. Luckily, we were able to get on the wait list online and our girl was working until 7 so the crowd had thinned a bit.
I didn't eat much today because I wanted to save my calories in case I went nuts in there. I was thinking about a glass of wine and one of their healthier (?) choices.
DH and I got there first. We ordered that appetizer sampler and I got my wine. I literally could not make myself eat more than one zucchini ball and one piece of lasagna fritta. Truthfully, I didn't need either but I don't like to drink on an empty stomach. The service was good but a little slow - to be expected on a holiday. This definitely worked in our favor. Daughter came and we ordered our dinners. I stuck with the chicken giardino. It's pasta, grilled chicken, veggies and a lemon type sauce. They used to make it with bowties but it's now this long, ribbony pasta.
I enjoyed my salad and one breadstick. When I started on my dinner, I realized after two bites that I was full. I was really surprised. I tried to slow down as much as I could because I didn't want to sit there with a more than half full plate of food. DH would have thought I didn't like it.
I ended up bringing most of it home. I didn't even want dessert. This is a truly strange phenomenon for me. When we got home, I found out my dear daughter brought me a box of enormous chocolate chip cookies from her work. I hugged her for the thought and kind of sighed to myself. I was just wondering what in the world I was going to do with them when she offered to take some to one of her friends who had lost his mom a few years ago.
Gladly, I offered them up but she left two. One for DH and one for me. Now, they are the size of a dinner plate and I have no idea how I'm going to deal with them BUT:
1. It is 10:30PM and they are STILL on the table. Not in my stomach.
2. My leftovers are STILL in the refrigerator. I did not attack them as soon as the door shut behind me.
Believe me, I definitely struggle at least part of every day. I don't like to cook and I want to just sit down with a bag of chips instead of grilled chicken and vegetables. But I'm resisting most of the time. I didn't lose anything this week but I dropped 15 lbs. in the first month so I know my weight loss is going to be in fits and starts this time. I guess it's a roll of the dice. Sometimes it's been easy, sometimes not.
My blood sugars have been so much better and I don't feel like crud all of the time. I'm trying to not only enjoy my journey but learn from it. No more beating myself up for not being perfect, for not succeeding every single day and honestly, just trying to be kinder to myself.
Good luck on your own journey, my friends.