Its a long one, this is what happens when you don't write for a while.
I have 2 challenges going on the fall. Neon Ninja’s X-weighted challenge #17 and Weight Warriors team for the 5% challenge.
I have been a Neon Ninja from the start. Love the team, the friends I’ve made, all I’ve learned and all the support I receive. I am also in round 3 with the Warriors and they are a great team too.
Doing all these weight loss challenges, I should have lost a lot of weight, right? About 17lbs since last year. I’ve counted calories, points, carbs, macros…I’ve low carbed, high-carbed, Atkin’d, military diet (you know the one where you east a small apple, ½ cup tuna and ice cream!) grapefruit’d, DASH’d, whole30’d (where I actually did lose some, kept most off) mini mealed, 3 mealed….and on and on. I need to lose 100 more. I do not want to have surgery. It scares me.
Lower carb does seem to work for me (Oh bread and pasta I miss you when I don’t eat you)
So does planning and cooking.
Why is it so hard to do this?
I’ve had back and knee issues which can make walking hard let alone working out.
I have a whole host of family issues for years now, and now dealing with long term care for my mother from a distance.
I’ve spent most of the summer worrying if I was going to have a job or not by the end of the summer. I still do.
I am an emotional and stress eater.
I should be motivated but still struggle. My family history scares me. I’ve had high blood pressure for too long. I've lost my brother and sister. I’m afraid of losing strength and mobility. I get overwhelmed and then can’t do anything.
I’m overwhelmed, I’m stressed, and I put everyone else first. Everyone.
I saw this meme a few weeks ago ad it was eye opening to me:
I am working on making myself a priority. No really this time lol.
I am working on my game plan. I rejoined planet fitness. I am dusting off the WATP DVD’s. I’m meal planning and cooking.
I want to feel strong and healthy again and feel like it’s now or never.
It’s back to lower carbs. Lots of veggies. Tracking food in Losing It App, trying intermittent fasting, Workouts are planned. I’m tired of being tired, in pain and not being comfortable in my own skin.
Fresh Start…I will not ever give up.
The cream cheese shaming: Monday I got a bagel at work at the café.. One of the café workers was behind me as I was putting cream cheese on my bagel and then put a little more in one of the small containers they have that holds about a tablespoon. He said, “you know, that container is a serving”. All I could say is I’ll remember that next time. Did he see the young thin woman who was just in front of me doing the same thing? Was he just thinking about how many servings there are in the container and the cost for his budget? (like maybe 3 cents) or did he really want to make me feel fat shamed and cream cheese shamed because he was disgusted by the amount of cream cheese I was using? I felt both, and now I’m just mad. It was not nice, but it lit a fire under my behind and reminded me of people perceptions and judgements.