So I'm not quite sure what happened to me last night.. what made me type and cry my feelings out on this website that I haven't visited in years. But it seemed to have helped. I felt lighter today. Clearer. Ok.
Other than sleeping until lunch time (hey, it's my Sunday), I even had a super healthy day. The only time I even thought about a Dr. Pepper was when I noticed I hadn't even had a caffeine headache, and maybe because my mindset was better. We walked up to the outlet mall for some light shopping. I made dinner without complaint, and even cleaned the kitchen. What?
The "test" may be tomorrow when I go back to work (Mondays on a Saturday, ugh). But I've cut up a papaya, and my veggies and whole wheat noodle lunch is in a little bowl in the fridge. I'm ready. I think I'm ready. I can do this. I was made for this. Winter is Coming. Etc.
So since I felt some mental clarity after last night's blog, I've decided that I'm going to spend some time "writing my feelings" or whatever here. My next health coach call is in 3 weeks, and our only goal this time was to spend a few minutes each day thinking about my motivation. So maybe I'll spend those minutes here. In this safe space. In this little cocoon of anonymity.
And now back to motivation.
Part of me has felt lately that I've "given up on life." As in, I haven't had a haircut since June. Because I "don't really need it." I don't put on makeup except to go to work, etc. You get the idea. But I didn't used to be that way. Is it my weight? I do remember before I lost weight I didn't want to wear jewelry. I was "too fat" for jewelry. Yep, that's my mental process. Lost weight = lots of cute things. So am I depressed? Or just feeling too fat to bother. I don't want to be that way. I don't want to have given up on life. Or jewelry. Or fixing my hair. Which I don't. Anymore, by the way. Air dry and ponytail life here. I blame it on my job. But is it really? I'm not sure. Something else to think about here in the black and white of this blog.
So, I like to do monthly adult crafts at the local library, and this month was a vision board. Our goals for the year. And whatnot. I spent way too much time and my over-perfection self was the last one to finish, of course. But I love it. And I thought I'd share it here.
Tree of life as my central base, some travel and adventure - Chris Pratt made a guest appearance as you can see. Some solitude, reflection, exercise, healthy eats, and then self care, but also that's job related. I've got this where I can easily see it. Maybe it helps.