Monday, February 18, 2019
I feel very discouraged today. I feel sad. I feel frustrated with myself.
My eating for about 3 weeks was pretty good, no bingeing and doing my best to follow my dietary needs. But then this past week and a half bad habits started creeping in. I have into eating pizza twice. It wouldn't have been so bad had I kept it at once slice. But I didn't. I forged and over ate. I've went out to eat 3 times this week and have not even bothered to go for healthier fare. This has triggered that non-stop craving to eat and snack all day and I've given in each time....without resolve. I'm very disappointed in myself. Last night I cried over it. But not just over my disappointment, but feeling lonely and at a loss over the death of a dear friend of mine. Also, my aunt whom I love so much had a fainting spells while at church. I haven't heard any news on how she is doing nor what is wrong. The not knowing causes great anxiety.
I'm doing my best to not beat myself up....I've done enough of that throughout my lifetime to know that causes much more harm than good. But it's not easy. Today, I am focusing on gratitude, yet even that seems hard to do. Yet I know in my heart there are so many things to be grateful for. Discouragement mixed with some depression and anxiety makes for a day that seems difficult to muddle through. But I will give it my best. I will practice self compassion.
All of this shall pass...I'm just going to put one foot in front of day other and make the best of things. I need help in not turning to food and turning to shopping in order to self medicate. I can do this! I'm going to take it one moment at a time.