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Monday, February 18, 2019

I feel very discouraged today. I feel sad. I feel frustrated with myself.

My eating for about 3 weeks was pretty good, no bingeing and doing my best to follow my dietary needs. But then this past week and a half bad habits started creeping in. I have into eating pizza twice. It wouldn't have been so bad had I kept it at once slice. But I didn't. I forged and over ate. I've went out to eat 3 times this week and have not even bothered to go for healthier fare. This has triggered that non-stop craving to eat and snack all day and I've given in each time....without resolve. I'm very disappointed in myself. Last night I cried over it. But not just over my disappointment, but feeling lonely and at a loss over the death of a dear friend of mine. Also, my aunt whom I love so much had a fainting spells while at church. I haven't heard any news on how she is doing nor what is wrong. The not knowing causes great anxiety.

I'm doing my best to not beat myself up....I've done enough of that throughout my lifetime to know that causes much more harm than good. But it's not easy. Today, I am focusing on gratitude, yet even that seems hard to do. Yet I know in my heart there are so many things to be grateful for. Discouragement mixed with some depression and anxiety makes for a day that seems difficult to muddle through. But I will give it my best. I will practice self compassion.

All of this shall pass...I'm just going to put one foot in front of day other and make the best of things. I need help in not turning to food and turning to shopping in order to self medicate. I can do this! I'm going to take it one moment at a time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    325 days ago
    I hope you are doing better since you last wrote this ..know that you are not alone in this for sure.. I have been going through a rough patch ..hoping that spring brings with it better moods
    879 days ago
  • no profile photo CD22944211
    I am struggling with a death and memories this week also. Don't be disappointed (I know that it is hard) just track the pizza the best you can - start over! God is merciful to us - so be merciful to yourself. We are in the struggle together. Sending some healthy treats your way!

    889 days ago
    890 days ago
  • JAJABEE1717
    If life was easy we'd probably all be eating bon-bons and wearing a size 2. Not to be for most of us. It may not be easy but it is doable and you're halfway there -- by recognizing that how you are responding is not in your best interests or what you want. Actually you're probably 3/4's of the way because you've reached out to your friends to help with a little support. And I see that you are getting it. Little by little, you'll get there.
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    891 days ago
    I did the same last week, kind of. I had a migraine and ate what I could when I was able, lots of carbs, gained a few pounds back. Feeling lonely and depressed. You are not alone. What I'm finding helpful is calling a redo and allowing myself to acknowledge the feelings I am having, not stuffing them. I have not been on SP due to the migraine and feel out of touch. So, calling a redo, the last week does not count, I'm restarting at the weight I'm currently at, and forging on from here. Looking closely at what I did the past week and asking myself the hard questions of what I could have done instead and trying to implement those things.

    Yes, please don't beat yourself up, I know that is hard not to do. You are human, we make mistakes, especially when we are emotional. But at least you realized what was going on and are putting a stop to it instead of giving up, that is wonderful!!
    891 days ago
  • LINDA!
    I am sorry Cynthia. I do understand. There are times that I just feel as though I throw caution to the wind. In my mind and heart I want to eat healthy. But there are times that I just do not eat well for no reason at all. It is tough when we are depressed or filled with anxiety.
    891 days ago
    Sending you so much empathy for this discouragement.

    And, even if it sounds strange, I honor the resource of your emotional eating through this suffering.

    Wishing you relief!
    891 days ago
    When I go off diet, I make a mental note of how I feel. I make it a brain training opportunity. Then it helps when the next craving comes. I box half of my food when eating out. It's a journey. It's good your trying to not beat yourself up.
    891 days ago
    Sending prayers your way, Cynthia! emoticon I totally relate to what you shared, mainly because I'm going through a very difficult time with DH right now and can tell I'm seeking comfort in food. I like Amanda's idea to see if other activities than eating can keep your mind occupied - I don't meditate, but have started doing word search puzzles. They seem kinda silly, but when I'm working them, my hands are busy and have more trouble handling food in addition to my puzzle book!

    Please know that you are NOT alone - there are lots of people in the Spark-verse that love and care for you. There are times when I'm taking it teensy-weensy step at a time - but that too is moving forward. So can you.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    891 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2672953
    I hope things get better....I wan some sunshine here as it been so gloomy here...praying for you to heal and feel better...blessings. emoticon emoticon
    892 days ago

    This is so hard to live through, not only struggling with your own binge eating issue, but depression, anxiety, and your friend's death. You are not alone, you are an important part of this web of humanity, and you are a worthwhile person BECAUSE you are human.

    Food is such a hard thing, sometimes, because it's all around us, and it feels like everything is focused on it. I had some success healing my own relationship with sweet things after reading a lot of information from Ellyn Satter. Maybe check out some of her articles?
    892 days ago
    emoticon for sharing, my dear emoticon I admire your candid sharing of your struggles and choices, and I applaud your ability to step back and recognize what doesn't help--self-blaming and shaming. You are also aware of the ways you are self-medicating that aren't helping you create the life you want. Your ability to practice mindfulness can be a strong tool to heal.

    You might try some meditation sites. I like HeadSpace.com, did their free ones (some with cute videos) before using Xmas cash to buy the premium membership with access to all their meditations. But I'm sure you can find lots of freebies out there. No excess calories or cost to self-soothe through meditation! Puzzles or learning something new via the library or internet are also free or low-cost ways to keep the mind active. Just some possible ideas to add something new and fun into your life!
    Good luck! emoticon Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon
    892 days ago
    You are going through some very difficult times for sure. But you also are voicing self love and forgiveness- that’s so good. I bet you can make it through this.
    892 days ago
    emoticon and emoticon for you, Cynthia!
    892 days ago
    MondayMorning! I don't know how it is out your way, but we have sunshine today💥 Gloomy weather messes with my disposition, hope and pray you are back on track soon💛
    892 days ago
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