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Wednesday, March 20, 2019

As part of my self-love (yep, still makes me kinda queasy saying it) journey of 2019, I asked myself if I never lost another pound could I be happy? The answer is....I'm not sure. The idea is not to stay where I am but to start getting used to loving myself in the here and now. In other words, would I fight to honor this body, not the one I hope to have in a year or two. If I can't take of this soul package how will I be able to maintain a healthier weight? What will make me more deserving then?
So often I just "want out" of this number or that number range on the scale and I think that I can calm down once I'm there. It's a lie. If you can't love yourself today, chances are you won't be good enough tomorrow either and for those of us in our middle age there is the one two punch of other parts of our bodies changing with time as well. I am not merely shrinking and inflating in the same way I did in my younger years and with each year, things just...well, change. It makes it harder when you struggle with honoring yourself because the reality sets in that 10, 20, 30, 100 pounds gone is not going to land you back on the beach as a careless teen.
I do laugh a lot these days, life is flying on by regardless of my weight and the good news is I care less and less about my vanity and more about my health. So, I am working on trying to care enough for this gal today. I want to care enough to carve out time for exercise, good sleep and plenty of water because at this weight, I still deserve the good things and I can be in practice for when I get a bit smaller and I don't stop if there is a fluctuation as if a few pounds makes me unworthy.

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