Filters and Storm Clouds
Saturday, April 13, 2019
Recently I was having a conversation with a close friend that said he liked the fact I wasn’t “fake” on Spark. I am who I am, and I don’t try to be something I’m not. In some ways, that is true, and in others, not really.
The reality is, on social media we only allow people to see what we want them to see. Some people share a lot, some just bits and pieces, but we often leave out parts of our lives that we are ashamed of, or we fear that others will judge us on. I am no different.
I have been on Spark for 9 years. I share little of my life. No one knows the demons I battle on a daily basis. I do not blog about it. I do not talk about it with Spark team mates. I don’t share because it depresses me to think about what my life has become. My life revolves around a person who cannot get past a drug addiction, and it sucks the life out of my spirit. I have to sit by and watch someone slowly kill themself daily. So I share snippets of my life that bring me joy: a new recipe, a flower in bloom, a new best time on the treadmill, a good hair day. But nothing else. I try to find something beautiful in each day, because if I were to focus on the place I am in, I’d fall into a black hole, void of oxygen to breathe. I block out what’s trying to suffocate me, and I strive to make my own body as healthy as possible. I am blessed to have beautiful children that ground me, and a friend that inspires me. The present is turbulent, but I can see the sun ahead. Storms don’t last forever and looking to the future will help me ride this one out.
To my best friend, thank you for reminding me of my value, listening to me when I need an ear, teaching me to trust again and showing me there is hope for times ahead.