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Filters and Storm Clouds

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Recently I was having a conversation with a close friend that said he liked the fact I wasn’t “fake” on Spark. I am who I am, and I don’t try to be something I’m not. In some ways, that is true, and in others, not really. The reality is, on social media we only allow people to see what we want them to see. Some people share a lot, some just bits and pieces, but we often leave out parts of our lives that we are ashamed of, or we fear that others will judge us on. I am no different. I have been on Spark for 9 years. I share little of my life. No one knows the demons I battle on a daily basis. I do not blog about it. I do not talk about it with Spark team mates. I don’t share because it depresses me to think about what my life has become. My life revolves around a person who cannot get past a drug addiction, and it sucks the life out of my spirit. I have to sit by and watch someone slowly kill themself daily. So I share snippets of my life that bring me joy: a new recipe, a flower in bloom, a new best time on the treadmill, a good hair day. But nothing else. I try to find something beautiful in each day, because if I were to focus on the place I am in, I’d fall into a black hole, void of oxygen to breathe. I block out what’s trying to suffocate me, and I strive to make my own body as healthy as possible. I am blessed to have beautiful children that ground me, and a friend that inspires me. The present is turbulent, but I can see the sun ahead. Storms don’t last forever and looking to the future will help me ride this one out. To my best friend, thank you for reminding me of my value, listening to me when I need an ear, teaching me to trust again and showing me there is hope for times ahead.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    MIAMI_LILY--this post is so true it's from the soul and I thank you for sharing it with me. I am glad that you are able to have a best friend that help keep you grounded and shows you other prospective. Remember one thing is God doesn't make Junk and God has a purpose for everyone....My prayers for you and if you ever need to chat just between friends I am here for you...May the Lord give you some much needed peace, rest and clarity.


    Verse 1
    You are here, moving in our midst
    I worship You, I worship You
    You are here, working in this place
    I worship You, I worship You
    You are here, moving in our midst
    I worship You, I worship You
    You are here, working in this place
    I worship You, I worship You

    You are
    Waymaker, miracle worker
    Promise keeper, light in the darkness
    My God, that is who You are
    You are
    Waymaker, miracle worker
    Promise keeper, light in the darkness
    My God, that is who You are

    Verse 2
    You are here, touching every heart
    I worship You, I worship You
    You are here, healing every heart
    I worship You, I worship You

    Verse 3
    You are here, turning lives around
    I worship You, I worship You
    You are here, mending every heart
    I worship You, yeah, I worship You, Lord

    That is who You are
    Oh, that is who You are (That is who You are)
    Oh, and that is who You are (That is who You are)
    My Jesus, that is who You are (That is who You are)
    Oh, we lift You up, that is who You are (That is who You are)
    My Jesus

    Even when I don't see it, You're working
    Even when I don't feel it, You're working
    You never stop, You never stop working
    You never stop, You never stop working

    #WayMaker #Leeland #BetterWord
    264 days ago
    Just remember that storms often end with rainbows! emoticon The hard part is seeing a loved one wasting away and not being able to do anything about it. can do something about your own life. Making yourself the best you that you can be is a must. Guess what? You're already doing that! Kudos to you for keeping positive in the face of adversity! Attitude is everything and you're doing GREAT! Like you, I don't share much except about my health issues and exercise. I'm always afraid that someone out there will find a way to use it against me, so I'm very cautious. Hang in there - better things are going to come your way!
    337 days ago
    Take care of yourself first and always. I am a recovering alcoholic and know firsthand, you can't change other people. I love my sober and healthy life. I start each day with the Serenity Prayer, "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change (which is other people); the courage to change the things I can (which is myself); and the wisdom to know the difference."

    You are stronger than you know.
    372 days ago
    I always thought about you - what a strong girl. And you are! You are right that we all have our demons. I for instance admire you - and the others - showing the before pictures to the community. I can’t. I hate myself even thinking about it how I would look in the picture, big and tall, or how I’m struggling on the bicycle/the treadmill. I also “can’t believe” I do - but I say so - that you ever have been doing drugs because it’s not visible in your face. Great example for your children with all you do, the wonderful cooking daily, the exercise, I just see the perfect mother and a happy woman.

    It’s okay to take what people reveal about themselves. I even understand people when they try to make them sound better, they simply need it to harmonize themselves, perhaps it helps to find the strength to become how they picture themselves at the moment.
    376 days ago
    I like the quote.."Be kind, You never know what the other person is growing through.. I try to be positive and strong. Some days it works and other days not so much.. Hang in gets better
    691 days ago
  • no profile photo CD22994956
    Good Morning Beautiful you I battle demons that have ensnared people I love.....You are a beautiful shining example to all of us whose choose to SUIT SHOW UP.....and to RISE UP!!!! I support you 100!! Show your children how to be a Light Bearer in a really tough situation ( and btw, no need to explain or defend your choice to not post about this on the regular....there is real dignity in your approach) In constant AWE of your emoticon Love, Leigh emoticon
    787 days ago
    When you said storms don't last forever it reminded me of one my favorite songs from long ago.
    Loved your blog.
    790 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/17/2019 10:18:44 AM
  • JANA58
    Thank you for your openness! You are truly an Amazing and Inspirational woman! 🙏🏻👏🏻🤗💞😊
    791 days ago
    Wow. I'm just blown away by your raw honesty, your willingness to be real and vulnerable and your insight. You have touched me so deeply. Thank you.

    I'm standing with you, hand on your shoulder, giving support and love. It's so hard and awful sometimes. You are not alone.

    Strength and love
    792 days ago
    That is so true! Even as open as some of us are, and as real as we are, there are parts we don't share. It's good to know that others have similar struggles sometimes so that we know we aren't alone.
    792 days ago
  • BERRY4
    Thanks for the heartfelt share! emoticon
    You are so very accurate about choices of focus. There are things that can "fill up" our page that can damage, hurt & destroy.
    IMO it DOES help to choose to find some good in every day...even though every day is NOT a good day.
    792 days ago
    Power away from you. You are right, the sun is around the corner. Praying for you and your family. Stay strong, this is a tough situation but you are tougher. Continue to focus on the positives! Thanks for inspiring so many of us!
    793 days ago
    Great blog my friend. The fact that you are battling the way you are and choosing to see the glass as half full is amazing! It's so great that you have a friend that you can confide in and you support each other. Keep being you, nothing can take that
    793 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Make time and a space for yourself every day; you will get through this and the storm will pass.
    793 days ago
    I can relate to some of the aspects of your situation. You have to take care of yourself and support your wellness in the best way that you know how at the time.
    793 days ago
    Been in similar situation, just take really good care of yourself and find the beauty in your life. emoticon
    793 days ago
  • GPALMER2019
    If you look hard enough you can see the storm clouds breaking up and the sun starting to shine through!! It's great to have a friend that you can confide in, that cares about you!! You are loved so love yourself!! 524😘
    793 days ago
  • GPALMER2019
    I'm sorry you go through so much!! You're a wonderful person and you deserve love and happiness!! To be treated with respect and took care of!! I just hope that you're able to get away from that bad element, and start a new life, a better life!!
    793 days ago
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