Hitting the wall

In July I made a promise to myself that I would blog everyday for positive accountability. Somewhere along the way I lost myself. To put it simply, I hit a wall. The nasty wall of depression. It has been a wall I have been pushing against for quite sometime and thought I had finally broken through. I stopped blogging and tried to drown myself in exercise. See, exercising had been what helped me break through that wall before, so surely it would help again. Unfortunately this time around it didn't seem to be working. Juggling a loss/gain of 6 lbs surely wasn't helping me feel any better either. One week the lbs. were lost only to come right back the next week. First time really experiencing this during my weight loss journey and it is FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!

Fast forward through the rest of July and through August, I was still struggling to break through the wall but I was losing against the fight fast. I tried reading some books, blogs, and Sparker stories to help uplift me and still nothing. Then the most unexpected thing happened. Friday August 30th I fainted and hit the floor, HARD! When I woke up the following morning I was in so much pain I went to the emergency room. In the ER I discovered that my blood pressure was far too low and that was the reason why I fainted. The ER doctor took x-rays and determined I had fractured my ribs. He advised me to not take the BP meds anymore until I followed up with my normal doctor.

During my several days of bed rest that depression monster overtook me in such a way that I turned to comfort foods... you know the kind that we try to keep at a minimum while we navigate through our weight loss journey, yup you guessed it, those kinds of food. :( I shamefully plowed my way through gelato, french dips, and Gardetto crackers, and guess what? They did not make me feel better at all. In fact they made me feel much worse. When I finally got to see my Doctor 5 days after the fainting incident, and 5 days of not taking my blood pressure meds, my normal BP is healthy and I have graduated from those meds. NSV for sure! It was a much needed boost towards me clawing my way back from my slump. I also expressed to my doctor about the depression and he says that I may have been struggling through too low of BP for awhile and that can in fact affect me in that way. Who knew!

Friday will mark 2 weeks since "the fall" and not taking my BP meds. I am slowly starting to feel a little better. Since I cannot exercise much until I am healed I am getting anxious, fearful that I will gain some of the weight back. That nasty few days of eating certainly aren't going to help, but I am now back to being 100% good eating. I am also bloated due to no longer taking some of my BP med regime that was a diuretic. I know that my body is adjusting but it looks like I may have had a 6 lb gain. I pray a chunk of that is water weight... still makes me nervous though...

So here I am again fighting against that wall and feel a little lost..... how can I tear down that wall for good??

Cheers Sparkers. Cheers to your victories and your losses. Keep keeping me honest, as I really need it these days.