Just where I am at Right Now!

Recently I've been riddled with high anxiety. I tend to be anxious anyway, but it's gotten worse. My obsessive thoughts and sense of dread have increased too. My depression finally is getting better, but the anxiety is making day to day living difficult. I hope it won't exacerbate the depression.

I became a Spark people Motivator years back for being positive. I haven't felt that positive in a long time.

My weight has skyrocketed in the past year and a half. The binge eating and also eating out too often have contributed to most of it. While I am absolutely SICK of people asking me if I'm pregnant or how far along I am, I am not in the correct healthy mind frame to work on my weight. I can stop buying the junk food I binge on or walk more often, but sometimes even doing small things trigger obsessive distorted views of working on the weight. perfectionism and more binge eating. This may sound like excuses,but this is my reality. I am not as motivated as I once was either.

Right now, I'm focusing on bettering my mental health. But my obesity is waring on me emotionally. When people ask me if I'm pregnant I make light...I tell them "No I carry all my weight there and I love my chips and cookies." Then I smile and laugh. But later I cry.

I think most people would say enough is enough and do something! Ugh! But I'm not in a good head space to make all of the changes necessary. Maybe I should just pick one thing. I can say it will not be logging my food. That is what helped me lose weight in the past, but the counting calories also triggered the Binge Eating disorder.

I'm not sure where to start, but I am willing to make one small change. It has to be simple. I get overwhelmed quite easily these days.

Thanks in advance for your support! And a big Thank you to those of you already helping me get through this season of depression and anxiety!