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picture imperfect

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Oh silly me, that title should read I’M PERFECT. Yupp, I’m perfect the way I am. I am picture perfect, wonderfully human, beautifully flawed, outrageously silly, kind to a fault, way too forgiving, awfully forgetful and so much more than you would EVER see in a picture. New to my blogs? My name is Jessica and I am a recovering picturehateraholic. I was unfortunately born right on the cusp as camera phones were a thing in adolescent years. At the end of High School and early College years, I learned all my best angles, how to pop my booty, twist my hips, suck in every last ounce of breath, lean forward a bit, and try to smile as the flash went off. If the picture didn’t make me look like I belonged in a magazine, well I hated myself and down the spiral I went. Sound familiar? I have lived this way for 10 years. Every event, every possible picture taking moment, I was on edge wishing I lost more weight, wishing I looked better, wishing I could stop hating myself when I saw what I deemed as an imperfect photo. I recently tried an experiment on myself. I took a one minute video of myself a few days in a row. I would move my head in all different directions. I would spin and swirl my body. Then I would rewatch it. I would watch a few times. My first reaction was anger, hate and disgust. Second time I would care less and think oh well I am what I am whatever. The third time I started to notice my eyes and my smile and my hair. I noticed my cute accessories and fun clothes. Each time I watched, I felt better. Guess what...I don’t look the same all the time. Imagine that! And of course there are moments that I feel are “better looking” than others because of the years of conditioning to believe that the only way to be pretty and deserve to feel good about myself is in a smaller body. Goodness the standards we have now set ourselves to, the goals we push ourselves to achieve and feel less than when we aren’t just perfect. Well, Im so over that. I’m beautiful and wonderful and perfectly picture imperfect. {disclaimer: I stopped posting selfies because men would write me messages and flirt and as any recovering bodyhater knows, compliments are like crack. I am now married and I do not check messages because ain’t no way I’m letting that be misinterpreted. so please people, behave and be respectful}
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