I’m trying to blog once a week, so here goes. I have good news and bad news.
The bad news (I’m one of those people who always wants the bad news first - are you like that?) is that I’m struggling some days with nutrition and eating within my calorie range. Some days, I ate under the top amount of my calorie range - sometimes by two or three hundred calories. But there were Other days I ate over the maximum amount in my range - sometimes by as little as 1 calorie or 40 calories or (cringe) 200 calories!!!
Somewhere in the middle of bad and good news is that I completed the 21 Day Tame Your Sweet Tooth Challenge and did REDUCE the extra sugars in my diet, but did NOT completely eliminate them. I guess I need to do the Challenge again, as there is still some hard work to do on that!
The good news is that I believe I have finally fully realized the value of SparkGuy’s “streaks.” I’ve done at least 10 minutes or more of exercise every day since December 30th and it seems like daily exercise has become a habit for me now. Even on days when the Very Last thing I want to do is exercise, I still do it - and that is something new for me. In the past, I let my feelings dictate what I did or did not do and since I struggle with chronic depression, I often didn’t exercise at all. Today, I actually stuffed tissues in my jacket pocket so that I could cry while walking - that’s how low I felt - but after getting out of the house, into the fresh air and sunshine and walking a few minutes, my worries seemed smaller and I didn’t need the tissues after all. One great side effect of getting exercise - even a bit - every day now is that it really does help my mind as much as my body.
I do have times when I see that others on SparkPeople have been at the gym for an hour or two or someone on a team has gotten almost 600 exercise minutes in a week, while I’ve struggled to get 200 and I start feeling like my accomplishments are nothing and don’t really count for anything.
But then I remind myself that a little over a year ago, I couldn’t walk to the end of my driveway and when I first started walking past the end of my driveway, I could only walk a few minutes. At the most, I’m still only walking 20 minutes now, but I got to that 20 minutes by going a tiny bit further each day, one step at a time and it really has been an accomplishment for me. I still have further I want to go and I intend to work on that this week. I want to work up to 30 minutes a day and then, maybe someday, I'll be able to walk (and keep up with), my husband!
The very best news is that this week I went out for lunch with my husband and, for the first time since my surgeries, I stepped up on a curb without even thinking about it, without hesitation, and without worrying about which foot to put first and the best way to push myself up without fear of falling. That tells me I’m getting stronger. I walked as I used to and that felt SO GOOD. I also realized this week that I can do squats without stabilizing myself with my hands (in PT they taught me to use my hands just a little for support). Now I can do squats (not the really deep ones I’m sure you young people do!!) without any support or assistance. That feels good, too!!
My last good news is that I lost a pound this week. Part of me knows that if I had been perfect in my eating and not gone over my calories some days that I could probably have lost two pounds, but since last week I only lost 8 ounces, I’ll take it. I’ve lost 8 pounds since the latter part of December - from 212 down to 204 - but as you can see, I still have a long way to go. I won’t pretend it’s easy. I stood in my kitchen the other night with a war waging inside me from the struggle of wanting to smother my feelings with a sugar binge. I finally decided to eat some carrots first and then see how I felt. I know carrots have sugar, but they’re a lot better than candy! The carrots were enough and I didn’t eat candy.
Honestly, right now, I kind of feel like I’m on a tightrope every day, taking small steps in the right direction, but not really trusting myself... teetering and tottering and afraid all the time I’m going to fall into the net below....
Some day, I’d love to get to the point where it’s so easy and I trust myself so much that I don’t even need a net anymore and can dance across the tightrope with confidence!!
I say this at the end of every blog - and I believe it’s Absolutely True - We CAN reach our goals!! We can get stronger from our efforts and we can make healthy choices!!! Wishing you all the very best in reaching your goals this week!!!