My Adventures in Spark Land: Day 197 of Doing the New: breaking the cycle of getting food because it
Sunday, February 16, 2020
"Open your heart to possibilities."
On Valentine's day night I was looking for a movie to watch. I went back to 'Not Cinderella's Type' on Amazon Prime. Indy mom had died when she was 10 leaving her with her aunt and uncle to raise who raised her to be their maid. Her best friend Maxton was truly a friend. One day Bryant ran over her cat. The last gift her mom ever gave her. In attempting to apologize, Bryant because his dad dealt with family issues, etc. realized Indy was in an abusive unsafe environment and got her out of there. What I like about this movie is how Bryant and his dad explain to Indy how her aunt and uncle treated her was not okay. A few days ago I blogged about how a social worker explained to me how my Dad spoke to me was not okay. It made me wonder what else my parent's had me believing is actually abusive? When people asked me how I got involved with each of the males I date, I explained that they all treated me like dad treated me. My parent's hated how they treated me which confused me more because the males all treated me like my dad treated me. I have sat and cried as I realized for the 1st time that I've allowed myself to have abusive relationships because I never know how to have healthy relationship and that broke my heart.
I sent my son to counseling so he could learn to have healthy relationships. The 1st day of college, he met a female from a dysfunctional home. I have a hard time explaining to him that this female isn't right for him. Last summer he knew his gf would graduate and get a job so he befriended some other friends. As a result, I can see the difference in my son because of these friends.
A couple weeks ago I got in the mail 32 coupons. Each week there are 4 coupons to use at the local store. Growing up my mom used coupons to get stuff because it was on sale. It didn't matter if she liked the product or not. And after she got the item, we had to eat it because it was on sale. Yesterday for my day 197 of doing the new I threw away the 1st 2 weeks of coupons without using them! I looked at coupons for week one all week-good coupons for deep fried shrimp and ice cream but I don't need to buy either of them to sit in my freezer and tempt me to eat them! I was so proud of myself for not craving into temptation and getting them!!! I am breaking the cycle of not getting food because it's on sale!
Yes I am so grateful for my son's friend Grace! Here are 2 examples on how she has been a blessing. A-this summer my hoarder single brother did something that upset the family. My son was so upset he had a list of things how he was going to handle it. His GF handed him the matches and was passing him the logs to keep his anger going. I could not get him to settle down and neither could my married brother. My IBS flared as he become more and more upset. Grace came along and helped him to calm down and got him to realize he needed to allow my married brother to deal with him. B-For 4 years his GF has really give him matches, wood, and set fired for him disliking everyone of his room mates. I have sat and listened and can't understand the issues which upsets him more. This year Grace has helped him realize he needs to ignore whatever drama they and his GF create. He has been a different person this year because he is ignoring them!
What do I love about me? I love that I am open to learn. I honestly have replayed the last 20 minutes of that movie a lot. Last night when I laid in bed, the words of Bryant went through my head 'Indy we want you to feel safe.' I thought 'when was the last time I felt safe? I honestly don't know'. I realized everything my Dad's sister calls, I end up in the bathroom with IBS issues. That is not feeling safe. My married brother and son have both told her 'don't talk to her about her hoarder brother'. She turns around and quiz me at Christmas time like I am on a witness stand about him. That's anything but feeling safe. I laid in bed last night and honestly could not remember the last time I felt safe. I am learning more and more the emotional abuse that is still around me that is not okay!
On a fun note, when I got Disney app, I discover at place called 'Disney through the years.' I started watching the things Walt made in the 20-30's. I watch 1 a day. Yesterday I watched the last thing Disney made in 1939. Today I start watching what he made in the 40's. He only made one movie in the 30's. The rest were short films-6-9 minutes. He made a lot more longer ones in the 40's! Also it's been 70 years on Valentine's Day since Cinderella was released for the 1st time!
Onward to day 198 of doing the new.