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Thursday, April 02, 2020

I've honestly been avoiding posting a blog. I don't really have words anymore for this year. I keep hoping to wake up tomorrow and find out I accidentally got character swapped for a boring NPC in an apocalypse game or movie or something.

I know some of you understand what I mean. Our lives have changed - either we're working from home or we're unemployed. We can't just leave when we want. The only places to go are the grocery stores, and even then we look around us and pray that everyone else stays the frick away from us. I hear from my friends they are having to homeschool or online school their kids - and that sends me back to about 20 years ago.

20 years ago, I lived life much as I do right now, little change. I woke up, I had breakfast, I circled around a card table, I read my books, did my homework and then I was done. I played with my sister. If it was Friday, we went grocery shopping. If it was Saturday, maybe the library or maybe errands. If it was Sunday, it was church.

That was my entire life from about 1998 until I graduated 2002.

You see, I was homeschooled, but not the fun homeschooled where my mom would pack us in a car and take us to museums or trips or whatnot. It also was well before the internet was mainstream or useful (Wikipedia was in the future, watching a video took an hour so even if YouTube existed, it woudln't have been viable). My homeschool was sitting alone, at home, reading textbooks, figuring out Base 2 on my own, scared to leave the house for fear someone would call CPS on us for not being in school and then being taken away from our parents.

This is why our current "stay at home", "self-quarantine" is so tough on me. I'm not the most active person in the world, but with the shut-in trauma of my young adulthood coupled with being sick for so much of 2020 already, this current mandate is driving my anxiety through the roof.

The one bright spot in all this: I am using this as an opportunity to run and get outside. (Though I desperately wish all the people who suddenly discovered the ability to walk would be more courteous on the sidewalk and not drive me into the grass just so they can walk side by side with their partner.) A good chunk of January and most of February were lost to me; I want to build back up my stamina and get back to what I was last year.

This is also a challenge to me to watch what I'm eating even better than before. I am literally surrounded by my food. It's calling to me every moment and now that my roomie is well and cooking, we can both work on the hardest part of maintaining - when every day looks like a weekend (minus of course the work from home part).

So that's what I've been doing. Exciting, I know. I'm trying to keep my head about me in these times, and I hope everyone is as well.

Be safe, and in the wise words of Laid Back "Keep it clean, don't be mean".
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It’s tough dealing with experiences that trigger past traumas. Been dealing with some of that myself recently, and I sympathize. Someone advised me that it may be helpful to be aware of the freedom and avenues that are available to you now that were not then. Sounds like running is doing that for you. May sound silly, but every now and then, I “locate” that child I was in my head, give her a hug, and tell her t’m taking care of her now.

    And what is it with people who have no sidewalk manners? Yeesh! I see that a lot, too!

    Take care.
    240 days ago
    I am still going to work on a limited basis but staying in all weekend and not going out for lunch is meaning left overs for lunch ~ starting to wear thin.
    Hang in there! emoticon
    240 days ago
    Good to hear from you Sweet_Carolyn! Hang in there. Some wise words there from SunnyCaliGirl.

    "You are you now, and you are in a different place ..."

    Like the "Keep it clean, don't be mean." emoticon

    Take care and be well.
    241 days ago
    You are doing an excellent job. The past is just that, the past. Keep that in mind as you focus on your Spark goals. You are you now, and you are in a different place, it just SEEMS to have echoes of the past..
    241 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/2/2020 5:35:12 PM
    Yes, it sure is hard! I am a huge introvert but now I am struggling too as it has been 3 weeks for me. You’re doing great and we will get through this!
    241 days ago
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    241 days ago
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