50-50 Moms - Not that Great a Holiday
Sunday, May 10, 2020
Mother's Day isn't such a great deal for many women. Think of those who have kids who addicted, homeless, incarcerated, gravely sick, mentally ill or somehow so detached that their relationship brings no joy. These sons and daughters don't send a card or go online and send a loving, fun message to their mothers, and Mother's Day is just an extra lonely Sunday for these moms. There so many people who have a sad life whose mothers are not able to help them or make it better! And the Mom is helpless, knowing that there is not always a band-aid that will fix a life gone astray.
If you are one of these left-out moms, my heart feels for you. Remember, this is only another Hallmark Holiday, where the entire country goes all cheery and acts as though every mother/child combination is an example of perfect mutual love. But it isn't fun for a lot of ladies. I, myself, have two children and I call it the 50-50 family. One is Mr. Wonderful every day of the year and at 45, still treats me with the sweetness he had at 10. The other is Toxic Daughter, who often declares her dislike of me and even uses the "c" word for me. I have equal amounts of joy and pain from this. It's not perfect!
So for those 50-50 moms, and for those moms who have zero involvement and are torn with the burden of sadness over their kids: Let's just get through this one Sunday with no tears. Whatever you can do to validate yourself - just do it. If you need to cry, go for it. Let those tears flow as long as you need to. I did this already today and now it's your turn.
Remember, you love your child even if the love isn't returned. What counts is that you keep on loving for your own soul's growth. Maybe the child will come around or get healed. Maybe they won't. Deep inside, we know the love is there.