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50-50 Moms - Not that Great a Holiday

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Mother's Day isn't such a great deal for many women. Think of those who have kids who addicted, homeless, incarcerated, gravely sick, mentally ill or somehow so detached that their relationship brings no joy. These sons and daughters don't send a card or go online and send a loving, fun message to their mothers, and Mother's Day is just an extra lonely Sunday for these moms. There so many people who have a sad life whose mothers are not able to help them or make it better! And the Mom is helpless, knowing that there is not always a band-aid that will fix a life gone astray.

If you are one of these left-out moms, my heart feels for you. Remember, this is only another Hallmark Holiday, where the entire country goes all cheery and acts as though every mother/child combination is an example of perfect mutual love. But it isn't fun for a lot of ladies. I, myself, have two children and I call it the 50-50 family. One is Mr. Wonderful every day of the year and at 45, still treats me with the sweetness he had at 10. The other is Toxic Daughter, who often declares her dislike of me and even uses the "c" word for me. I have equal amounts of joy and pain from this. It's not perfect!

So for those 50-50 moms, and for those moms who have zero involvement and are torn with the burden of sadness over their kids: Let's just get through this one Sunday with no tears. Whatever you can do to validate yourself - just do it. If you need to cry, go for it. Let those tears flow as long as you need to. I did this already today and now it's your turn.

Remember, you love your child even if the love isn't returned. What counts is that you keep on loving for your own soul's growth. Maybe the child will come around or get healed. Maybe they won't. Deep inside, we know the love is there.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm a step-mom and my step daughter has never acknowledged me on my birthday or mother's day. While it doesn't break my heart, I do find it sad that I am only spoken to when she needs something from me, and never just for fun or to catch up. As a consequence, this little girl who I met 18 years ago, who is now on the verge of turning 30, has no clue who I am, where I came from, and all the life lessons I have gathered to pass on to the next generation. She has no idea of the value of my personhood. I have led the horse to the water, and the water was ignored.
    Sending my love to you, my friend.
    95 days ago
    I have a 50-50 situation.with one son who lives with me and who does everything to make my life better, but the one who doesn't send cards, gifts, or call died 13 1/2 years ago of pancreatitis. I also have 2 step children (now grown also) who are the other 50-50 deal my step son has little if any use for me but my step daughter stays in contact. I feel for you. It is hard to have children who get lost in various ways. It makes Mother's Day bittersweet!
    95 days ago
  • READY201811
    This is the worst day of the year. I am avoiding it and at my mentally Impaired daughter apartment since she has been with us for 9 weeks to get away from her, her abusive brother and his girlfriend and just allow myself to feel the pain and cry
    96 days ago
    I'm so sorry about your daughter! I know it is difficult to deal with and my heart hurts when I read this blog. You loved her all you could, with all of your heart but you can't change her. Only she can do that (as you know). Focus on Mr. Wonderful! He's the one who deserves your time and attention. Polite (or not) to Toxic Daughter, it doesn't matter. You do not deserve that treatment. Hugs to you!
    96 days ago
    We absolutely have to hold our heads up high and know that we did our best to raise them.
    The rest is up to them.
    No family is perfect but I am sad about your daughter.
    My special daughter is quite limited and needy and needs a lot from me but does not have a mean bone in her body.
    96 days ago
    This sounds identical to my life. I stopped hurting over the other 50 percent. Have a good day.
    96 days ago
    Blessings to you for voicing the situation for many!

    96 days ago
  • ELSCO55
    Thank you. As you said most people think of a Hallmark movie on Mother's Day. I too understand that it is not.
    96 days ago
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