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The other day...

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

The other day, I had a very sad experience.

Laurie and I have had weight issues for years, in fact he had lost a huge amount of weight before we got together. His mother had always been slim, but both he and his sister followed the paternal side of the family, obesity. Dad did his best to keep on top of the problem, even in his eighties.

Laurie put on weight after his studies. He had trained jointly as a youth worker and PE teacher, requiring up to 30 hours a week of sporting activity. He then went into youth work and the weight piled on, for years...

His younger sister was another matter. She had once lost weight, that even Laurie did not recognise her after a gap of several months, but it was a flash in the pan. She has always been tall, but even that has not been enough to hide her obesity. As a teen, she would sneak to the fish and chip shop, her parents finding a stack of wrappers under the bed after she moved out to go to university. In recent years, she has claimed that she is gluten-intolerant and that is her excuse, while berating her far smaller husband for enjoying his food. She has had one knee replaced, ignored medical advice to lose weight before the op and likewise didn’t do the recommended exercises post-op. When dad died and we were clearing out medical aids, she said she would take a zimmer frame and walking stick ‘for when I have my next knee done’, not IF, but WHEN. Anyway, I digress.

She and I are friends on Facebook. On Saturday she posted a photo, where she can be seen to be remarkably slimmer, writing that it was such and that it was one of her favourite photos. I agreed, said it was a lovely photo and remarked that she could be like it again, never too old (she’s 64). Within a couple of minutes my comment had been deleted. How sad that she has resigned herself to be obese and also that she expects her husband, who is eight years older and with a heart condition ( triple heart bypass a few years ago, the surgeon said he’d only seen worse arteries in a corpse!) to run around after her, while she lies around doing very little. She struggles to walk more than a couple of hundred metres! I am genuinely sad for her, as I’m sure that she hides other issues behind the weight, but we’re not that close. I did share SparkPeople with her a few years ago as I mentioned that there were lots of useful articles and recipes, but to no avail.

Such a shame, what a waste...

Ps. I took a BP reading to day, best for ages...

No more BP meds for me, EVER!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DSJB9999
    Well done with the BP Renia, there is only so much you can do for some people, they have to want it themselves don't they! You can just be there for your SiL and of course for Laurie as sure he'll see the disaster waiting to happen! emoticon emoticon
    179 days ago
  • SUNSHINE5268
    Remember: Each person walks their own journey and that is Their CHOICE. I understand how you feel. I had a friend for 20 yrs and she would NOT change and that was HER choice and I had to respect it.. didn't like it but what could I do. She told me to STOP nagging her and that if it was her time to go then it was her time to go and she would continue to eat from her candy drawer by her bed.... she was diabetic and morbidly obese and sadly she died alone while babysitting her toddler grandchild at age 54.

    I am soooooooooo so PROUD of you and your journey and BP, yeh!!!! emoticon
    193 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/8/2020 12:05:20 PM
    emoticon on taking care of yourself and a terrific blood pressure. I have found too that a person can't be helped unless they truly want it. It is unfortunate, when change for the better is possible.
    201 days ago
    It's not easy to watch someone you care about making unhealthy choices that lead to their own suffering and destruction. But we can only choose for ourselves...not others. Everyone has to decide how they want to live, and no amount of helpful information coming from loved ones and elsewhere, can make a person change. That has to come from within. All we can do is try to lead by example and praise and encourage when we see improvement. And with that nice healthy BP, you are doing just that! Keep up the good work.
    210 days ago
  • SUNSHINE5268
    your blood pressure is amazinggggggggggggggg yahooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    212 days ago
    Your BP is really good! I had a good friend who passed 3 years ago and I am sure being overweight played a role. I watch my weight, because when my dad quit smoking he gained 20 plus pounds which led to diabetes, and losing one leg before he passed at age 76.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon All you can do is pray that she will be led to see a healthier way!
    213 days ago
  • LINDA!
    Praying for your SIL. Your BP is great.
    213 days ago
    Very sad,indeed.
    We can only lead by example and take the very best care of ourselves.
    I am sadly watching my own dear not living a very healthy life.
    214 days ago
    Congrats on the great BP reading!! emoticon

    Re: your SIL...one of the things that has been most freeing for me in these past 2-3 years of learning how I can be more happy (it's a decision), was my discovery of the value of minding my own business, which is hard to do when you are looking at someone who is maybe hurting or sick, but that said, what your SIL is creating really isn't your business.

    I *do* understand your sadness, and I also agree with your assessment of the situation, but my goal everyday is to be happy no matter what (not easy when there is so much negativity out there), and I know from experience that I am a happier person if I really only concern myself with my own energies and what I'm putting out there as opposed to looking at what someone else is doing and having a negative feeling about it.

    How can you help someone like that with your words? You can't. They have to figure it out for themselves. It's their path and if they want help they will seek it out or bump into it from someone they can hear it from. Often we can not hear the message. Anything hopeful you may say might make her defensive, and when one becomes defensive, they hear nothing because they are too busy being angry and defensive. The best way to help anyone is by envisioning them as whole and healthy. My meditation each day centres on my own well-being and the well-being of the planet.

    Sending love and emoticon
    214 days ago
    Congrats on your PB reading!!!
    214 days ago
    yep so many people like your sister in law
    215 days ago
    I see your SIL a bit differently, although I don't know her. It's true that she may expect her husband to run around after her while she does very little, which implies that she may be lazy and inconsiderate. I don't know, but I identify with her more than I'd like to. Sometimes there are very serious and intense issues that cause a person to eat the way you have described. I could share a whole laundry list of abuses I have suffered in my life as well as mental and emotional disorders arising from those and some that I inherited, but to someone unfamiliar with mental and emotional illness, not to mention eating disorders, it would sound hollow and simply like a laundry list of excuses. Some people can lose weight and keep it off forever, and more power to them! Some others like me, can lose great amounts and then gain it back repeatedly over a lifetime. Truly, whether it's because I'm lazy or sick, I guess it doesn't really matter, as all anyone sees is whether we look healthy on the outside and not whether inside our minds we're suffering every single day from our own internal struggles as well as from the judgment of others.

    Congratulations on your blood pressure. You're doing GREAT!!!

    215 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/16/2020 7:46:38 PM
    You can lead a fool to knowledge but you can not make them think. OK, forgive me, I know that's somewhat snarky. Good for you - trying to encourage your SIL. Given the situation now, I may be somewhat inclined to encourage the husband not to run around after her so much. For his sake and hers!
    215 days ago
    You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. She already knows.
    215 days ago
    So many like SIL. You did your best. Great BP reading.
    215 days ago
  • RAVEN145
    Sorry to hear,hopefully she'll get healthy before it's to lete,
    215 days ago
    Sad. I too tried to spread the spark with someone who sorely needed some nutritional information and a way to save her body from some serious illnesses.
    Sadly she declined and has added to her weight, she's had countless operations but still can't compute that if she only changed her ways................
    Prayers for your SIL Renia, emoticon
    215 days ago
    I hope your SIL improves. Great BP!!
    215 days ago
    Prayers for your SIL. Some people just ignore aha moments, sadly.

    215 days ago
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